


All We Have Is Time

by forgotmyline



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Romance, Second Chance Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-12
Updated: 2016-09-14
Packaged: 2018-03-22 12:54:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 25
Words: 43,918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3729718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/forgotmyline/pseuds/forgotmyline
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A Dragon Age AU that imagines the Inquisitor as the mage Cullen was infatuated with at the Ferelden circle.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Evelyn ran as fast and as far as she could, all the way to the edge of her father's estate, where it met the woods. She hadn't meant to hurt her brothers that way, hadn't even known she could. She knew, logically, that she hadn't done anything wrong, not really. After all, Henry and Liam were so much bigger and older than her (6 and 4 years, respectively). And they knew that she hated heights, which is why they brought her up to the waterfall in the first place. And maybe they wouldn't have really tossed her over the edge into the lake like they were threatening, but she never could be quite sure with her two oldest brothers. They certainly enjoyed tormenting her, didn't they? And they had certainly done worse things in the past. If Sebastian, her twin, had been there, he would have helped and she wouldn't have been so terrified, but he was stuck inside with a cold. And she had never done any magic before in all eight years of her life, so she didn't know that, when she put her hands up to stop her brothers' advance, lightning of all things would burst from her fingertips. 

And so she was on the run. She could hear Henry and Liam calling her name in the distance, sounding worried rather than angry (not that she had any intention of stopping to find out for sure). Thank the Maker they were all right. She didn't even want to imagine the trouble she would have been in if the lightning had actually struck either of them. She almost wished that it had though, just a little. She paused for a moment to catch her breath, a little bit past the forest's edge, and let herself imagine it. Henry, with his messy brown curls singed and sticking out everywhere and Liam, his face red as if he had spent too much time out in the sun, both boys with eyes as wide as saucers. A giggle slipped out before she could stop it, and she quickly pressed her fingers to her lips to suppress any more laughter that might escape. 

She looked around, trying to get her bearings. The forest floor was thick with fallen leaves in varying shades of red and orange, making it difficult to find what she was looking for. She finally spotted it, a large rock mostly hidden by leaves. Sebastian thought it looked almost like a nug, and though Evelyn didn't quite see the resemblance, it served its purpose as a marker well enough for her. She headed to the right, moving quickly, continuing for another ten minutes until she reached her destination. She stood before a small ramshackle cottage and breathed a sigh of relief.

She and Sebastian had found this place last Autumn, and somehow their older brothers were completely ignorant of its existence. It was covered in overgrown ivy and other plants, had several holes in its roof and wooden walls, and rather looked like a good strong wind might topple it over. The inside was devoid of furniture and decoration, giving the twins no clue as to what its original purpose might have been, or who might have owned it. They had taken it over in the year since they had discovered it, bringing in blankets and pillows in lieu of furniture and hanging up wall coverings. It was their own special place, a place they could hide from their parents or brothers or governess, and they had managed to make it quite cozy. 

She opened the door slowly, hoping Henry and Liam wouldn't be close enough to somehow hear its hinges creak. She turned after closing the door, and let out a loud gasp when she saw Sebastian sitting atop a small pile of blankets with a sketchbook and charcoal in his hands. 

"Maker's breath, Bas! You scared me half to death!" Evelyn admonished as she strode over to her brother. She placed a hand on his forehead and frowned. "You're feverish. You ought to be in bed still." 

Sebastian pushed her hand away gently and smiled mischievously. "Stop acting like a mother hen. Father was hovering, Evie. You know how he gets when someone falls ill. You'd think none of us had ever gotten a cold before. There was a small emergency in the kitchens that he needed to take care of, so I used the opportunity to slip away for a bit."

Evelyn put her hands on her hips, somehow managing to look both intimidating and a bit ridiculous. "And I suppose you had absolutely nothing to do with that emergency?" 

Sebastian shrugged and moved over a bit to give Evelyn room to sit with him. She plopped down onto the blankets and lay her head on his shoulder. "Bas," she whispered. "I'm in big trouble. Worlds of trouble. Trouble the likes of which we have never witnessed." 

Sebastian put down his art supplies and placed an arm around his sister. He looked down at her face, saw the corners of her mouth turned down, brow scrunched up with worry, tears glistening in her eyes. "I'm sure whatever you did can't be all that bad, Evie. You're the good child, after all. Tell me what happened and we'll figure it out." 

A few tears fell from Evelyn's eyes and before she knew it, she was sobbing into her brother's shoulder. Sebastian pulled his arms around her tighter, letting her cry until she had no tears left. He found a clean handkerchief in his pocket, and gave it to her so she could wipe her face and nose. "What happened, Evie?" he asked again, his voice softer and quieter this time. 

Evelyn sat up straight and looked him square in the eye. "I very nearly killed Henry and Liam." 

Sebastian snorted. "Is that all? Those two probably had it coming anyway. Maybe they'll finally stop picking on you all the time." 

Evelyn shook her head. "That's not all, Bas. I... I shot lightning from my fingers." 

Sebastian's eyes got wide, though he didn't say anything. Evelyn didn't know what to make of his silence, so she chose to fill it rather than try to decipher his thoughts. "I didn't mean to, of course. I didn't even know I could do that. I mean, I know there are a few mages on Mother's side of the family, the oldest Cousland boy, and great aunt Wilhelmina, and I think we have distant cousins in Tevinter, so they must be mages, too. I certainly never thought one of us could be, well, a mage, as it turns out. How does that even... I mean, how did I not know before now? And Mother and Father will have to send me away to a circle, Bas. A circle! I'll hardly ever get to see... "

Sebastian shook himself out of his stunned silenced to stop Evelyn's nervous rambling."Shhh, Evie. We'll figure something out." He stood up and started to pace. "You'll stay here of course. I can sneak you food from the kitchens, and bring some of your clothes and books and things." 

Evelyn gave her head a quick shake and put her hand on her brother's arm to stop him. "Bas, no. I can't..." she paused to take a deep breath, to steel herself for what she needed to say. "If I really am a mage, I could be dangerous. I couldn't bear it if I hurt you, or mother and father, or even our idiot brothers because I hadn't trained my magic properly." 

Sebastian knew it was true, but he couldn't hide the sadness lurking in his eyes as he nodded at his twin. He sighed deeply and took his sister's arm in his. "Well then, I suppose we ought to go talk to Mother and Father."


	2. Chapter 2

Ten years later

Cullen Rutherford was on the overnight watch at the tower when he saw her for the first time. He hadn’t been at the Ferelden Circle tower for long, and as low Templar on the totem pole, he got stuck with some of the less pleasant shifts. He honestly didn’t mind much, after he got used to sleeping during the daylight hours. He enjoyed the quiet, the peacefulness of the tower when most everyone was tucked safely into their beds. He roamed the hallways on the tower level he had been assigned to, making sure nothing was amiss - no demons, no abominations, no mages out of their beds for clandestine trysts. There never was, as he was assigned the library wing. The most excitement he had had was the week before when he had to rouse an older gentleman who had fallen asleep in the stacks. It wasn’t exactly what he had expected when he started his training seven years ago, at the tender age of thirteen - he thought there would be more opportunities to put his skills to use. He sighed, running a hand through his dark blond curls. 

That’s when he saw her. She was tall and lithe, a blur of auburn hair and deep green robes darting through the stacks. He followed her, surprisingly quiet in his armor. She was probably meeting a lover, and though he hated to interrupt, stopping things like that was part of his duties. He turned a few corners, surprised to find her sitting in a chair with a stack of books on the floor next to her. She was reading something, completely engrossed in the book she held in her lap. She was young, he noticed, at least a few years younger than his twenty years, her auburn hair pulled back in a loose braid, bright green eyes moving back and forth over the text, and a smattering of freckles across her nose. He smiled in amusement at this young woman sneaking away in the middle of the night to read what appeared to be books on magical history, if he was judging the titles correctly. He found the whole scene rather adorable. He frowned at the thought, which couldn’t possibly lead to anything good, and cleared his throat to alert her of his presence. 

She dropped the book and let out a high pitched squeal, immediately covering her mouth after to try to keep the noise in. Her eyes widened when she saw him. “Andraste's tits, Templar! How in the world did you sneak up in all that armor? Someone should put a bell on you.”

His frown deepened. “Like a cat, you mean?” he asked flatly.

She chuckled, the sound low and throaty like her voice had been just a moment ago. “Yes, I suppose so. I apologize. That was terribly rude of me, Ser…?”

“Cullen, Miss. And you should not be here at this late hour. Perhaps I can escort you back to your dormitory?”

Her face fell, and it made Cullen positively ache with the desire to let her do whatever she pleased. “Oh. Yes, well, I suppose you’re right, Cullen. It’s only that it’s so busy during the day, what with training, and chores. And I’m sure that my Harrowing is coming up soon, not that they tell you when it will be or anything, so I’ve extra studying and practicing to do, which means even less free time to study what I’m actually interested in. I’m Evelyn, by the way. Evelyn Trevelyan.”

She stuck her hand out for Cullen to shake it, which he did awkwardly. Her name sounded familiar and it took but a moment for him to place it. “Trevelyan? Are you related to a Sebastian Trevelyan by any chance?”

Her face lit up, and he was temporarily struck dumb by the brilliance of her smile. Maker, he had to get her back to her dormitory and fast. “You know Sebastian?” she asked, oblivious to what he was sure was a completely idiotic look on his face. “He’s my brother. My twin brother in fact.”

He shook his head a tiny bit to clear his thoughts. He could see the resemblance now that he knew to look for one. He remembered Sebastian's hair being darker than hers, more brown than red, but they had the same eyes and freckles, though both looked much more charming in Evelyn’s face. “I do know him, yes. We spent a short time in Orlais together for training just before I was assigned here. He’s quite skilled.”

Evelyn smiled proudly, standing to join Cullen. “Of course he is. The Trevelyans don’t do anything by half measures. Come, Ser Cullen. See me back to my dormitory safely, and tell me how my brother fared when you saw him last. The bastard hasn’t written to me in ages.”

Cullen felt a blush creeping up the back of his neck, and he wasn’t sure if it was her language or her closeness as she threaded an arm through his. “Your language is, uh, colorful, my Lady.”

“Oh, don’t start “my Ladying” me. I absolutely loathe it. My name is Evelyn, Ser Cullen, or Evie if you prefer. I grew up with three older brothers, you know, and their language is much more colorful, I assure you.”

He didn’t think it was possible, but he felt his neck get redder, the blush beginning to spread to his cheeks and ears. “I couldn’t possibly be so familiar with you, Lady Trevelyan.”

She snorted softly, in a very unladylike manner. “You’re walking me to my bed, Cullen. I’m sure you could be much more familiar with me,” she said with a grin.

“My Lady, I…” He stopped when he looked at her, seeing her wide smile and the barely suppressed laughter in her eyes. “You’re teasing me, aren’t you?”

“I’m sorry. I know that wasn’t very sporting of me, but I’ve never seen a man blush quite as red as you are right now. I shan’t do it again, though.”

He cleared his throat and gently extricated his arm from hers. “Thank you, my Lady. Miss Evelyn, I mean."

He caught her eyeroll in his peripheral vision, but chose to ignore it and change the subject. "You're brother was quite well when I saw him in Orlais. That was nearly half a year ago, though, and your brother is a bit of a troublemaker, if I recall."

Evelyn laughed quietly and Cullen found that he enjoyed the sound more than he should. "Yes, that sounds like my brother. When I was younger, before I came here, our two oldest brothers used to tease me mercilessly. I am the youngest, you see, having been born a full five minutes after Sebastian. I also had the nerve to be born a girl, which is apparently the worst thing one can do to one's brothers. Sebastian liked to pull pranks on them as revenge for the way they picked on me all the time.”

Cullen treated her to a rare smile. “Older brothers can be quite trying, my… Evelyn.”

She smiled at the effort, knowing it must have cost him a great deal to use her given name rather than her title. “And how many do you have, Cullen?”

He rather liked hearing his name fall from her lips so casually, and he briefly wondered what it would sound like in more intimate circumstances. “Just one, thank the Maker. He’s five years my junior. I’ve a sister between us, and another sister a year older than me.”

“And are your sisters as trying as your brother?”

He shook his head. “Not at all. My older sister and I aren’t close, but we get on well enough. I am quite close to my younger sister, Mia, or I was until I left for training. I haven’t seen her in some time now.”

Evelyn nodded and Cullen caught a fleeting sadness in her eyes as she spoke. “It’s difficult to be away from those one loves for so long. I’m luckier than so many here, because I do actually get to see my family. My father has no problem using his influence so I can visit a couple times a year, and though it’s a long trip, it’s worth it to see my family.”

“If you don’t mind me asking, how did you end up in Ferelden when your family is from Ostwick?”

“You may ask me any questions you like, Cullen. The short answer is that my father pulled some strings. Do you know of the Cousland family?” She paused, waiting for his nod to continue. “Their son, Finlay, is here and he is my second cousin. My parents thought it would be easier for me if I was somewhere that had a familiar face and it really was, especially in the beginning. I was only eight when I came here, but Fin is several years older and he helped me get settled, helped me feel at home.”

Evelyn stopped abruptly in front of a large wooden door that Cullen recognized as the entrance to the apprentice dormitories. He was reluctant to let her go. It wasn’t often that he found someone with whom he could converse so easily, though he wished she were not a mage. He knew that any kind of relationship, even just friendship, was forbidden between them, and continuing any association with her would lead to disaster. This would just be a pleasant interlude for him to remember late at night when he was on patrol. 

“And here we are, Lady Trevelyan, safely at your dormitory. Have a pleasant evening.”

Evelyn smiled behind her hand as he bowed stiffly. “I see we are back to being formal, Ser Cullen. Well, thank you for your escort. I had a lovely time conversing with you.”

She opened the door, fleeing into her dormitory before he had a chance to reply. Cullen let out a breath that he had been holding and doubled back to his usual route. Maker, but she was lovely. More than that, she was so open and friendly. By the Lady, he needed to stop this train of thought. He started doing calculations in his head to drown out thoughts of Evelyn, but he couldn’t help the few thoughts of red hair and freckles and her glowing smile that crept in.

As he finished his shift and climbed into bed early that morning, he swore he would stay as far from Evelyn Trevelyan as possible. And he had every intention of keeping that vow, until he woke up to find a small cat bell attached to a long string sitting in one of his boots. He chuckled quietly to himself, and it was bittersweet. He could not avoid her, it seemed, and though he found himself looking forward to knowing her better, he was also fairly certain that his life was going to become much more complicated with her in it.


	3. Chapter 3

Evelyn woke up with a smile on her face, even several days after meeting Cullen. She hadn’t seen him again since that night, but she had truly enjoyed their conversation. She hadn’t ever met a man who blushed so easily, and it made her want to tease him just to see how red he would turn. She sensed that he was serious by nature, not just while on duty, but off duty as well. Another reason for her gentle teasing. Her only regret was that she had not been able to see his face when he found the gift she left in his boot. She imagined he would be a little shocked at first, then his golden brown eyes crinkling at the corners as he laughed. She wondered if he would figure out how she got it there and if it would drive him mad trying to figure it out. Mostly, she wondered if he was still thinking of the other night, of their conversation, of her.

“What’s got that cheeky grin on your face, Evie?”

Evelyn was pulled from her reverie by a petite, curvy blonde who had sat down on her bed. “Good morning to you too, Merry.”

Merry, Evelyn’s closest friend at the circle, waved her hand dismissively. “Yes, yes, of course, good morning and all that. Now spill, my dear.”

Evelyn looked around. She shared a dormitory room with seven other women, but it looked as though everyone else had already awoken and departed for the day. She rubbed sleep from her eyes and asked, “Just how late is it?”

Merry rolled her eyes. “You’re avoiding my questions. It’s just after breakfast, but it’s a free day, so you’re not late for any lessons or classes. I snuck up something for you to eat, since you chose not to grace us with your presence, but I’m not giving it to you until you tell me what’s going on.”

Evelyn crossed her arms in faux indignation. “Such a cruel taskmaster. Why don’t you show me what you’ve got and I’ll consider telling you.”

Merry knew she wouldn’t win this battle, so she pulled something wrapped in cloth out of her robe pocket and handed it to Evelyn. She unwrapped it to reveal a bit of bread and cheese and berries, the sight of which had her mouth watering and stomach rumbling. “Merry, darling, have I ever told you that you’re a goddess among women?”

Now it was Merry’s turn grin. “Not lately, but you feel free to tell me that any time you wish. I certainly won’t mind. Now, Evie, I believe you owe me some information”

Evelyn swallowed the food she was chewing. “Yes, well, I seem to have made a new friend.”

Merry raised one eyebrow. “And would this new friend happen to be male and handsome?”

Evelyn put a hand on her chest, as if insulted. “Meredith Chadwick! Just what kind of girl do you think I am, meeting strange men at Maker only knows what hour of night.”

Merry moved closer to her friend. “Surely you’re going to give me a little more than that, Evie!”

Evelyn sighed, threading her arm through Merry’s and laying her head on her shoulder. “So you know how I sometimes like to sneak off to the library after everyone’s asleep?” Merry nodded and Evelyn continued. “I was caught three nights ago. Sneaky bugger too. I didn’t hear him follow me at all, even with all that armor. Of course, I was rather engrossed in what I was reading. It was the most interesting history of hedge witches and seers in Rivain. Utterly fascinating. Did you know...”

“Wait just a moment,” Merry interrupted, her voice getting louder and higher pitched as she continued. “Did you say armor? Evie, tell me you’re not interested in a Templar, of all men! I know you like to toe the line when it comes to rules, but even you cannot possibly be that reckless!”

Evelyn pulled away from Merry, frowning.”Keep your voice down, please. And it’s not like that anyway. We had an enjoyable conversation as he escorted me back to the apprentice quarters. I also appreciate the fact that he didn’t say anything about my little trip to the library during the wee hours of the morning. He was all seriousness and politeness.”

“And I’m sure you acted like the noble lady that you are?”

“I may have teased him a little. He had the most becoming blush.”

Merry sighed, as if she knew that there wasn’t much she could do to stop her friend, even if she did decide on an unwise course of action regarding her mysterious templar. “Just be careful, will you? I don’t want to have to break in a new best friend.”

Evelyn hopped out of bed and, with absolutely no shame or hesitation, began changing. “As if you could find anyone as amazing as me.”

Merry grinned. “Of course not. I imagine I could train someone up though. I’m just not sure I’m willing to go through all that effort.” Evelyn had finished dressing, so Merry grabbed her hand and started leading her out. “Come. We have the whole day free and it is absolutely lovely out in the gardens right now.”

******

Evelyn tossed and turned that night, thinking over what Merry had said to her. She didn’t think she was being that reckless. She had enjoyed conversing with Cullen, but she wasn’t suggesting they embark on a torrid affair. She never had understood the rules forbidding fraternization between mages and templars,anyway, especially in regards to friendship. Perhaps if mages and templars were allowed to be friendlier with each other, they wouldn’t fear one another so much.  
She finally gave up, knowing that she wasn’t going to fall asleep anytime soon, and got out of bed. She put a robe on over her nightdress, decided to leave behind shoes in favor of quiet, and went in search of the library. Evelyn loved the tower late at night. It had to be nearing two in the morning now, and everything was so quiet. No apprentices practicing spells, no enchanters lecturing, no templars clinking around in their armor. Though, if she were being quite honest with herself, there was one particular templar she wouldn’t exactly mind bumping in to.

Evelyn creeped slowly through the halls, her bare feet padding quietly on the cold stone floors, and up the stairs to the library. She looked about carefully, making sure that she was alone, and finally settled in to her favorite chair, her stack of books still right where she left them during her last visit. She picked up right where she left off, soon lost in the pages.

Evelyn was only a few pages in when she was interrupted by a quiet jingling. She grinned, and without looking up, she whispered, “Here, kitty kitty.”

She lifted her head and put her book down, just in time to see Cullen rolling his eyes. “So how did you do it then? Make your way into the templar wing, sneak into the dormitories, find me, and put this damned thing into my boot?”

She laughed at this. “Why, Ser Cullen, what a pleasant surprise! It’s certainly lovely running into you again. Tell me, how have you been since I saw you last?”

Cullen simply raised one eyebrow, the bell still dangling from his armored fingers, and chose not to respond.

“Is that how we’re playing things, then?” Evelyn nodded to a chair a few feet away that was facing hers. “Sit. Chat with me. Perhaps it’ll slip out in conversation.”

Cullen sighed loudly. “I shouldn’t be doing this, you know. I should be escorting you back to your rooms. I should tell the First Enchanter about your late night trips to the library. I should part ways with you, never to seek you out again.”

Evelyn’s face lit up, and it occurred to her that perhaps he had enjoyed their conversation just as much as she had. “You sought me out, then? You seem so serious and straight laced that I hardly believe it!”

Cullen tried to make himself more comfortable in the overstuffed chair, but it was not made for someone in full armor. “Yes, well, don’t get any ideas. I just didn’t want to see you get yourself into any trouble.”

“Well, I most definitely did not seek you out. That’s not to say I’m disappointed to see you, of course. I’d rather hoped to run in to you again to be honest. Making you blush the other night really was such fun. Makes me want to find other ways to do so.”

Evelyn watched as Cullen removed his gauntlets, so he could rub the back of his neck. He had lovely hands, she noticed, and she felt the urge to reach for one of them. She buried it quickly, knowing how foolish it would be.

He looked so formal sitting across from her, tall and stiff in his chair. Evelyn found herself wishing she could see him loosen up. Hell, he was certainly attractive. If he hadn’t been a templar, she would have considered doing something a bit more intimate to make it happen. A kiss, perhaps, just a light touch of her lips to his. He stood abruptly, as if he had read her last thought, catching his gauntlets before they fell. Evelyn would have given just about anything to know what he was thinking at that moment.

“Miss Evelyn, I…,” he stammered. “We should really not be here. Perhaps you’ll allow me to escort you back to the apprentice quarters again?”

Evelyn stood up, disappointed, and nodded. As they walked back down to the first floor, they kept their silence, each seemingly lost in their own thoughts. She did not put her arm in his this time, deciding it would be wisest to keep her distance. Her traitorous mind, however, wandered into more dangerous territory. It started innocently enough, with Evelyn wondering how he looked in regular clothes, instead of being weighed down by all that heavy armor. In her mind, the clothes had changed, but the man was still serious and formal, not allowing himself to relax, ever the templar. She then began to imagine what he would look like, and act like if he ever did allow himself to shed his solemn demeanor. This, of course, led to thoughts of him kissing her senseless, as well as further intimacies that had her face and neck feelingwarmand flushed.

Before she knew it, they had reached the apprentice quarters. "I suppose this is goodnight, then?" Evelyn asked, her voice soft and low.

Cullen dared a small smile."I believe you still owe me an explanation for the bell, Miss Evelyn."

She grinned right back at him. "Well then, I suppose you'll have to bump into me again. The history section of the library, around two in the morning, three nights from now. I imagine that's when I'll feel like my next nighttime stroll."


	4. Chapter 4

The weather was warm and lovely again the next day, so Evelyn chose to do a little bit of light reading, or perhaps some sketching, outside in the gardens. They were absolutely gorgeous now that spring had finally arrived. Most of the garden space was taken up with useful plants - a large section of edible plants, another for plants that could be used to make medicines and potions. There was a small spot though, Evelyn's favorite patch of garden, that held a few benches surrounded by flowers whose purpose was to only look pretty and leave a pleasant odor in the air.

 

She sat down with a sketchbook and some pencils, hoping to sketch some of the flowers in bloom. She didn't have nearly the level of talent that her brother had, but, mage or no, she was a well bred lady of noble birth and could hold her own well enough.

 

Evelyn hadn't been sketching for long, a quarter of an hour at most, when Merry joined her. She put down her supplies and smiled at her friend in greeting, glad for the company. "I was hoping you'd make your way outside, Merry. I missed you at breakfast this morning."

 

Merry sighed and took a seat next to Evelyn. "Sorry about that, Evie. Do you remember Olivia from my room at the dormitory? She had her baby, the most adorable little girl, and she was taken away to Chantry orphanage this morning. Poor Olivia was inconsolable, so the other girls from my room and I stayed with her for a bit."

 

Evelyn scowled and leaned in closer to Merry. "It isn't right," she whispered. "They shouldn't be able to just take children from their parents like that, simply because they happen to be born with magic, or even just the potential for magic."

 

Merry placed a hand on Evelyn's arm in an attempt to pacify her friend's growing anger and frustration.  "I know, love. Especially a newborn. I wish there was something we could do about it, though I have no idea what."

 

Evelyn's eyes widened in shock. "Meredith Chadwick! Be careful what you say," she whispered, looking around at the other mages who were in the gardens that afternoon. Thankfully, it seemed as though none of the others were paying the least bit of attention to them. It was one thing to complain about it, but wishing to actually change things was potentially treasonous in the circles. "You never know who might be listening, Merry, and that kind of talk could get dangerous. It's certainly more reckless than what I've been doing lately."

 

Merry nodded. "I know, I know. It's just so frustrating. I haven't seen the world beyond the tower in more than a decade. Our only crime is that we were born with the ability to do magic, but we're locked up like criminals."

 

Evelyn hugged her friend. "Come now, enough with discussions that could end with us being made Tranquil. I have a friend in the kitchens who could be persuaded to sneak us some treats. We'll bring some up to Olivia as well."

 

******

 

Evelyn was running late a few nights later, on the night that she told Cullen she would be in the history section of the library. One of the other women in her room had been through her Harrowing, and it hadn’t gone well. It was tragic - Brielle was young, eighteen just like Evelyn. She had been a hard worker, and excelled at everything she learned. And still, she hadn’t passed her Harrowing, and she hadn’t returned to their room. One of the Tranquil had come by to clear out her belongings, and that was it. Evelyn and her roommates had no idea what had actually happened, though they could safely wager that Brielle was no longer alive. Why else would she not have returned?

 

Some of her roommates had trouble sleeping after that, and so Evelyn wasn’t able to sneak out as early as she would have liked. She was afraid she might have missed Cullen - he didn’t seem the type to wait around when he could get caught and wind up in trouble. She padded up the cold stone stairs, darted through several library stacks, and rounded a corner. She smiled when she made it to the history section. It was a cozy little nook, two large, squishy chairs, a small table between them, and a few small candles on the table for lighting. Cullen was sitting in one of the chairs, the one she usually sat in she noticed, and he was reading the book she had been reading the last time she was here.

 

Evelyn was mildly shocked when she noticed Cullen’s lack of armor. He was dressed casually, in what looked like chocolate brown cotton pants and a deep navy cotton shirt, buttoned all the way to the top, of course. She leaned against a stack, folding her arms across her chest, and cleared her throat. Cullen looked up from the book, and the furrow in his brow straightened itself out as his lips split into a wide grin. Evelyn felt as though her heart stopped, and she couldn’t breathe for a moment. She recovered quickly, giving him a sly, close lipped smile in return. “Why, Cullen, you look almost like a real boy without your armor.”

 

“As opposed to…?”

 

Evelyn waved her hand in the air. “Oh, you know. An automaton of some sort. All that metal you generally wear, you see.”

 

Cullen chuckled as Evelyn took the seat across from him. “I do have off duty hours, Evelyn.”

 

She raised an eyebrow. “And you’re not at all the sort who’s on duty even when he’s off duty, right?”

 

Cullen shrugged, and she thought the casual gesture looked foreign coming from him. “I’ve been in training to be a templar for just about a decade at this point. It’s hard to let go of that, even when I have a bit of free time.”

 

“I suppose that makes sense. Tell me, Ser Cullen. Why didn’t you tell me you were going to be off duty tonight? You didn’t have to make a special trip.”

 

“Perhaps I was interested in learning about…” he paused to look at the title of the book he had in his hands. “Hedge Witches and Seers of Rivain.”

 

Evelyn shook her head, a quiet laugh slipping from her lips. “Yes, because that seems like exactly the type of book a Templar might pick up for some light reading.”

 

Cullen looked at her, straight into her eyes. “Perhaps I was trying to pass the time while I waited for you to arrive.”

 

Evelyn couldn’t help but smile, and she thought she felt a warmth spread to her cheeks. “So you did make a special trip to see me then, even though this could get us both in serious trouble? It’s not like it is when you’re on duty, when we could use the excuse that I was out of bed after hours and you were making sure I went back to my quarters. We are very clearly fraternizing, Cullen.”

 

He sighed, and nodded. “I know. And I know that we shouldn’t. I… I can’t help it, though. You are everything I’m not - open, friendly, and warm. You seem to let people in easily, and I find that I want to be one of those people. I’m not particularly good at making friends, but I would like to be yours, if you’ll have me as one.”

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

Cullen couldn’t believe that he had just said all that to Evelyn. He wasn’t usually one to go on, but he had wanted to let her know that he enjoyed their late night run ins. She sat there across from him, thinking, silent, and his heart raced while he awaited her reply. He was half afraid she’d tell him that he was being ridiculous, that she was just being kind to him so he didn’t turn her in for breaking curfew, and he wasn’t sure he could take it.

Though it was but a moment, it felt damn near close to an eternity until she replied. Evelyn smiled, shyly he thought, and took his hand in hers. He warmed at the gesture, his face in particular growing warm at the small intimacy. “I would very much like that, Cullen,” she whispered, as if someone might be just around the corner listening in. 

He let out a breath that he hadn’t known he was holding. He returned her smile, leaning in a little closer and letting her hand fall from his."Then in the name of friendship, I believe you owe me a story about a bell."

Evelyn laughed, hearty and low. He loved the sound of it and had to fight the urge to lean in just a little bit closer and press his lips to her cheek. Thank the Maker, she sat back in her chair before telling him, "Well, I suppose I do, although it's not a very interesting story, I'm afraid. I happen to have a friend who works in housekeeping, and I managed to convince her that I had been dared to play a harmless prank on one of the new Templars. She enjoys a good bit of fun, so she was glad to do it."

Cullen shook his head. "I have to admit, I was expecting something a bit more exciting. I've been trying to puzzle it out for a week and I never even considered that you might have had an accomplice. I assumed you used some form of magic, but I couldn't figure out any specifics."

Evelyn pretended outrage. "Cullen! I'm appalled that you would think me so reckless with my gifts that I would use magic to play a silly prank. At any rate, my specialty is storm magic and I couldn't levitate anything if my life depended on it."

"Storm magic? So you can create lightning and such?" Cullen hoped he sounded intrigued, rather than frightened or disgusted, as many people were when it came to mages and other potentially dangerous things they didn’t understand.

Evelyn nodded. "The first time my magic manifested, I accidentally shot lightning at my two oldest brothers. They were threatening to throw me over a waterfall into a lake, though looking back, I doubt they would have done it. I was only eight though, and absolutely terrified. I put my hands up to stop them from coming closer, and that's when lightning shot out of my fingers. It missed them by a pretty wide margin, but I was still afraid of how much trouble was going to get in. Ten years later, and here I am. It’s a dangerous magic, I know, but I’ve excellent control."

She tried to sound casual as she told this story, but Cullen could hear a little bit of guilt in her voice. He wasn't sure if it was because she nearly hurt her brothers or because she had magic, but he thought the guilt was unnecessary for either reason. If it was her brothers, well, they sounded like they rather deserved a little bit of a zap to teach them a lesson. And if it was because she had magic, that, he felt, would be a worse reason - it wasn't as if she could help being born with it.

Cullen leaned forward, closer to Evelyn. "Do you know what I think, Evelyn?" She shook her head and he went on. "I think that your brothers sound like complete prats. A little zap of lightning might have taught them not to mess with you anymore."

Evelyn grinned. “They were, yes. I always had Bas, though. We were very much a team, whether it was against our brothers or governess. I… I don’t know what I would have done without him.”

She got quiet then, the smile gone, her face pensive. He longed to hold her in his arms, to comfort her if he could. “You miss him a great deal, I imagine.”

She nodded, and her voice sounded hoarse. “I do. Some days more than others. We had this cottage in the woods near my father’s estate that we would sneak away to whenever we wanted to hide from everyone else. We found it abandoned, and took it over for ourselves. When I have a particularly bad day or a tremendously good day, that’s when I wish I could sneak away there again to tell him everything.” She hesitated for a moment, taking a deep breath. “Today was one of the not so great days.”

Cullen reached for her hand instinctively, wanting to let her know that she wasn’t alone. Her hand felt so delicate in his, and despite know how much power she held within it, it fired up his protective urge. “I know I’m not your brother, and that you don’t really know me all that well, but I’m here if you need a friendly ear.”

Evelyn was looking down at their entwined hands, and Cullen wished he knew what her thoughts were at that moment. He tilted his head to look at her and saw her eyes glistening with unshed tears. She looked up at him, smiling at him through the tears that were now slowly falling down her cheeks. Before he could stop himself, he wiped a tear away, and his breath caught as she leaned into his palm. She pulled back quickly, as if realizing what she had done, but she didn’t let go of his hand. 

She breathed in slowly, then out again, using her free hand to wipe the rest of the tears from her eyes. “Sorry, I… One of the women I room with had her Harrowing today and she never came back. They never tell us what happens, but she’s dead, isn’t she?”

Cullen shouldn’t tell her, wasn’t allowed to tell her. He couldn’t lie to her either, not when she was looking him straight in they eye, relying on him and trusting him to tell her the truth. He nodded, unable to say the words. “I’m sorry, Evelyn. I’m sorry about your friend. I wasn’t there, but she most likely became possessed by a demon, turned into an abomination. There isn’t any way to save the mage at that point.”

Evelyn mimicked his nod. “She was so young, and talented as well. If she couldn’t pass her Harrowing, then what hope do I have?”

Cullen stood up, taking her with him. He couldn’t stand the hopelessness in her voice, so he pulled her close. He was nearly overwhelmed by her scent, something he couldn’t place but brought to mind fresh rain on a warm summer day. He wanted to breathe her in, knowing he would remember exactly what this moment felt like every time he was caught in a summer storm. He placed his lips indecently close to her ear, and he felt her shiver just the slightest bit when he started to speak. He was gratified to know that he affected her as well. “It’s not about talent, from my understanding,” he whispered. “I shouldn’t be telling you this, Evelyn, but it’s strength of will. They all want to know, the Templars and the mages, if you’re strong enough to fight off demonic possession.”

She leaned her forehead against his shoulder, placing her hands on his chest, and he tightened his embrace. “Thank you, Cullen,” she replied, her voice muffled by his body. “I know you could get into a great deal of trouble for this, and I appreciate you telling me more than you can know.”

She pulled away from him, a false smile on her lips. He felt bereft of the loss of her body pressed against his, but he understood her need for space. “I wish I could do more.”

Cullen watched as she shuffled her feet. “Thank you, again Cullen. I should probably go though.”

She leaned up on her toes and kissed him on the cheek. He was too shocked to do anything but watch her sneak away through the library as she headed back to the apprentice quarters. He placed his fingers on his cheek where she had kissed him, the spot still warm and slightly wet from her lips. He smiled, not caring the least bit about the trouble he was surely going to get himself into over Evelyn.


	6. Chapter 6

The next month passed in a blur for Evelyn. She saw Cullen every two or three nights, but her days were occupied by preparation for her Harrowing. She knew there was no use in studying actual magic technique, but she was trying out various types of meditation. She hoped that it would help her become more centered, more in tune with her self, and better able to resist any demonic temptation during her Harrowing. Mostly though, she felt like she had to do something to prepare, and she couldn’t think of anything else that might help.

 If she was being honest with herself, which Evelyn generally was, she was downright terrified because she didn’t think one could actually prepare for this. She supposed that was the point, and most likely why the Harrowing was shrouded in so much secrecy. The thought that she could become an abomination, and possibly hurt her friends… well, she thought that she would rather die than have that happen.

 It was evening and she was in the gardens meditating when she got the summons. Senior Enchanter Leorah sat down next to her, right on the ground, and gently placed a hand on Evelyn’s arm. She jerked away, startled out of her meditative state. Evelyn looked over at the senior enchanter, and knew as soon as she saw the concern in Leorah’s eyes. It was time. “Hullo, Senior Enchanter Leorah! what can I do for you?” she asked, forcing herself to sound cheerful.

 Evelyn tried to smile, but she was sure it looked more like a grimace. Leorah squeezed her arm in sympathy before standing. “You’re wanted by the First Enchanter, Evie.”

 Evelyn nodded, and silently followed Leorah inside, up to Irving’s office on the second level of the tower. Leorah knocked gently on the door, turned to Evelyn and whispered, “Good luck, my dear,” before turning to go back to her laboratory.

 Evelyn straightened her shoulders, making her appear taller. She would not go into this looking as afraid as she felt. She heard a muffled voice telling her to enter, and she did so. First Enchanter Irving had always brought to mind a kindly old grandfather, but right now he had Evelyn’s heart thumping so hard she was sure he would be able to hear it. He smiled when she entered, not unkindly, and gestured for her to sit in the chair on the opposite side of his desk.

 Evelyn forced herself to walk with purpose, hoping that if she acted unafraid, the fear she felt might dissipate. “How may I serve you, First Enchanter?”

 There now, her voice barely wavered as she spoke. Irving stood, walking around his desk to come closer to her. He leaned on it, taking one of her hands in hers. “This is my least favorite part of being First Enchanter, putting the apprentices through this. It is, unfortunately, necessary though. Your mentors have assured me that you are ready, though, and I’ve no doubt you’ll do just fine. You do know what you’re here for, I assume?”

 Evelyn nodded again. She felt her heart drop into her stomach and she had to take a deep breath in and then out to keep her dinner down. “My Harrowing, Ser, I assume.”

 “Correct, Miss Trevelyan. I will escort you to the Harrowing chamber, where there will be several Templars awaiting us. You will take a potion, and then begin the test. It will be difficult, but shouldn’t take long, and I will be there watching over you the entire time.”

 She wasn’t sure if his words were meant to be comforting or not. Still, she stood and took his arm, and he lead her out of his office. They went up the stairs outside of his office, then up another set to a floor she had never been on before. She looked around, peeking into a few open doors, and realized that this must be the Templar quarters. She smiled, wondering which room Cullen lived in.

 Evelyn and the First Enchanter continued on until they reached another set of stairs. He paused, turning to Evelyn. “This leads to the Harrowing chamber. I just want to remind you that you’re not to tell anyone of what goes on in this chamber.”

 “Of course, Ser.”

 “Here we are then.”

 Irving opened the door, motioning for Evelyn to go first. She took the stairs slowly, not sure if she was quite ready for this. Not that it mattered. She reached the top and looked around in amazement. It was a beautiful room - high ceilings, stained glass windows showing the history of the Chantry, marble and candles everywhere. After looking her fill of the room itself, she chanced a peek at the Templars who would be guarding her as she underwent the ritual, trying not to dwell on the fact that one of them might have to kill her if things went poorly.

 She managed to hide her shock when she saw Cullen’s familiar face. He looked briefly at the others to make sure no one was looking him, but all eyes were on Evelyn. She saw him mouth the words, _You can do this_ , just before she looked away from him. She suppressed a smile, but felt herself warm from the inside. At least there was one friendly face among them.

 Irving had gone ahead of her, standing at a small altar next to a low couch. He waved his hand toward the couch, motioning for her to sit, which she did. He picked up a vial, filled with a blue liquid that she assumed was lyrium potion, though it looked slightly different than what she was used to seeing.

 Evelyn started to play with a stray lock of hair as she waited, and sneaked a quick glance at Cullen, but he was serious and stone faced as ever. She looked around at the other Templars again, recognizing only Knight-Commander Greagoir. She hadn’t expected him to be there and, unlike Cullen, the Knight-Commander’s presence was anything but a comfort. Still, she knew she couldn’t do anything about it, so she sat waiting, patiently, while Irving finished at the altar.

 After what felt like an eternity, First Enchanter Irving sat down next to her. He placed the vial in her hand before giving her the instructions needed. “Just drink this, Miss Trevelyan. I would advise laying back first.”

 He patted her hand before standing, moving back to the altar. Evelyn leaned back before lifting the vial in a mock toast and saying, “Bottoms up!” She tilted the contents of the vial into her mouth before closing her eyes in artificial sleep.

 ******

 Evelyn awoke laying on unfamiliar ground. Her mouth felt cottony, and she would have given just about anything for a glass of water right then. She sat up slowly, looking around to try to orient herself in her new surroundings. She knew it wasn’t the real world - the colors were off just the slightest bit and the air felt as though it were charged with static.

 She stood completely, wiping dust from her robe, and she saw the Black City in the distance. _The Fade_ , she thought. She had been in the Fade before, when she was dreaming, but this time it felt different, as if she were more aware, had more control.

 Evelyn didn’t see a path, so she decided to head in the direction of the Black City. It seemed, to her, to be as good a decision as any. She wandered, seemingly forever, until she finally came to a clearing. In the middle stood a creature with purple tinged skin and great, twisted horns sprouting from its head. It was nearly naked, wearing only a choker, with chains connecting it to small tassels on its breasts, and the barest wisp of a translucent skirt falling from its hips.

 Evelyn started - she hadn’t expected to come upon a demon so soon in her journey. She hesitated briefly, for she had no staff or any other weapons with which to defeat this demon. It was just enough time for the demon to appear before her. It smiled, and brought to Evelyn’s mind a cat toying with its prey. She shivered, attempting to step away from the demon. It reached out, wrapping one hand around Evelyn’s wrist. She tried to break free, but she was caught fast in the demon’s claws. It came closer and softly caressed Evelyn’s cheek, the way a lover might. She involuntarily leaned closer, her eyes closing in a slow blink. When they opened once again, it was no longer a demon standing before her, but her brother Sebastian.

 She looked at him in confusion. “Bas? What… what are you doing in the Fade?”

 Sebastian laughed. “The Fade, Evie? No, sister, we’re at Kinloch Hold and I’ve come to take you home. You don’t ever have to come back to this place again.”

 Evelyn looked around, and sure enough, she was back in the Circle Tower, in her room in the apprentice quarters. She shook her head, trying to clear the confusion. “No, you’re… aren’t you supposed to be at the circle in Ostwick?”

 Sebastian shook his head. “I left, Evie. I left for you, to come and take you home.” He pouted before continuing, and it reminded Evelyn so much of Sebastian as a child. “Don’t you want to come home, to be free from this prison?”

 She did. Maker, but she wanted to go home to her father’s estate so badly that it almost caused her physical pain. “Of course, but I… No, this isn’t right. Bas is a Templar. He takes his duties seriously. He would never do something like this.”

 Sebastian snarled, and his face melded and changed into another familiar face, just as the scenery around her changed. She was in the tower gardens, her favorite spot in the entirety of Kinloch Hold, and Cullen was standing before her. She was momentarily confused. Where had her brother gone? But all thoughts of Sebastian fled her mind when she tilted her head towards Cullen and saw pure adoration on his face as he looked down at her.

 He was smiling at her, a smile that she loved, that haunted her dreams, that she longed to see more of. He cupped her face in his hands, and Evie wondered how she had never noticed just how large they were, or how very tall he was. He kissed her forehead, then her cheek. They stood there, face to face, so close their lips were just a hair's breadth away from each other. Cullen sighed, and Evelyn shuddered at the feeling of his breath against her lips. “Come with me, Evie. We’ll leave here, together, and go as far away as possible.”

 Evelyn leaned her head against his chest. “They’ll chase us down, Cullen. They’ll hunt us, until we’re both dead. I couldn’t bear it if…”

 Evelyn stopped and looked back up at Cullen. Her heart skipped a beat. He was so handsome, and she had wanted him almost since the moment they met. Leave it to her to fall for someone who was so very much off limits.

 “I’ll protect you, my love. We’ll protect each other.”

 Evelyn wanted to agree, more than she had ever wanted anything before, but something felt wrong. She hadn’t known Cullen long, but she knew he would never abandon his duties, not even if he cared about her like this. She shook her head, trying to clear her thoughts. She looked around the gardens again, and noticed the colors looking duller than she remembered. She looked back at Cullen. She felt a charge in the air again as she watched his face start distorting. _The Fade_ , she thought. She was in the Fade for her Harrowing. “No!” she cried out.

 She didn’t think, just pressed both hands against Cullen’s chest, letting lightning burst forth from her fingers into him. Tears streamed down her face as she felt his body convulse beneath her touch. As he fell to the ground, the air shimmered and she was once again looking at the demon from earlier, its body crumpled on the ground before her. Evelyn slid to her knees before it, once more falling into artificial sleep.


	7. Chapter 7

When Evelyn awoke, she was laying in her own bed, with Merry sitting next to her holding her hand and Fin pacing back and forth at the foot of her bed. She felt groggy and light headed as she sat up slowly, but the grin that broke out on her best friend’s face was completely worth getting up for. “Good morning, Merry dear. And you too, Fin. Anything interesting happen while I napped?”

Merry hugged her tightly and Fin came around to embrace them both quickly before fetching a glass of water. “Evie, it’s not even close to morning. You’ve been asleep for nearly a full day.”

Fin cleared his throat and handed the water to Evelyn. “You should probably drink this, Evie.”

He sounded nervous, though Evelyn wasn’t sure why he would be. She had obviously passed her Harrowing. “Is everything alright, Fin?” she asked.

He nodded. “Sorry, I just… even if they pass, some mages can react a bit poorly to the Harrowing. We couldn’t rouse you, Evie. I was terrified for you.”

She took a sip of the water, reveling in the coolness flowing down her throat. “Well, here I am, hearty and hale. More or less, anyway.”

Merry smiled at her and squeezed her hand. “Well, you’ve gotten enough rest for now. The First Enchanter wanted to see you as soon as you woke up.”

Evelyn looked first at Merry, then at her cousin, a wry smile teasing at her lips. “No rest for the wicked, I see.” She stood up, and would have fallen right back down if Fin hadn’t caught her elbow. “I don’t suppose one of you could escort me there? I seem to be a bit unsteady on my feet.”

Fin shook his head. “Sorry, Evie. There’s a Templar waiting just outside the door to take you to see Irving though.”

Evelyn wondered what the chances were that Cullen was the Templar outside her door. She wasn’t sure if she was ready to face him after what she had done in the Fade, not to mention what she had wanted to do, but her traitorous heart was racing at the mere possibility of seeing him. She let Fin lead her to the door, turning back to wave goodbye to Merry. She peeked outside, and tried to hide the disappointment from her face when she saw an unfamiliar man standing guard.

Fin handed her off, placing her arm on the Templar’s. His lip curled, as if he couldn’t believe a mage was actually touching him. He was one of _those_ Templars, the sort who hated every mage on principle. Fantastic. Anger briefly flashed in her cousin’s eyes when he saw the look of disgust on the Templar’s face. “Lady Trevelyan is still weak from her Harrowing, and needs a bit of support on the walk to the First Enchanter’s office.” He turned to Evelyn and placed a brotherly kiss on her cheek. She appreciated it, as well as the use of her title to remind the Templar to tread lightly. “You’ll be just fine, Evie. I’ll see you in the morning for breakfast, alright?”

Evelyn nodded as Fin left her. She held her head high, standing as tall as she could manage while fighting off queasiness and the urge to pass out. She said nothing to the Templar at her side, merely lead him along as if she were the one doing him a favor, every bit the noble lady she would have been if not for her status as a mage. They reached Irving’s office in record time, and Evelyn tried not to laugh when the Templar dusted off his sleeve after she let go of his arm.

The door was open, but Evelyn still knocked lightly as she entered. The First Enchanter was sitting at his desk, scribbling like mad in a large book. As soon as he heard Evelyn’s knock, he rushed up to help her in, most likely knowing how weak she must feel. He took her arm in his, leading her to a large, overstuffed armchair. Evelyn sank down into its comfort, smiling in contentment. “I do believe this is the most comfortable thing I have ever had the pleasure of sitting on, First Enchanter.”

Irving chuckled. “You’re only saying that because you’re tired and frail at the moment. Any other time and you would be wondering if it was trying to pull you into its cushions.”

Evie smiled at him. “Now that you mention it, I do rather feel as though I’m being sucked inward. I find that I don’t much care at the moment, though.”

Irving bustled over to a table near his desk. Evelyn couldn’t see what he was doing, but she could not have been happier when he brought a tray laden with food and drink over to her.  “Here you are, Miss Trevelyan. You’ll likely want a bit of sustenance after everything.”

He placed the tray on a small side table beside Evelyn’s chair and she was already reaching for a bit of pastry as she thanked him. He smiled at her, again reminding her of someone’s doddering grandfather despite knowing how powerful he would have to be to have earned his position as First Enchanter.

“A woman after my own heart, I see. Sweets always make me feel better after a trying experience.”

Evelyn nodded, swallowing the bite in her mouth before taking a sip of water. “I apologize for my rudeness, Ser. I’ve never felt so ravenous in my life, though.”

Irving waved his hand dismissively. “No worries at all, my dear. That’s what it’s there for. Once you’re finished eating, I have a few things for you.”

Evelyn devoured the food before her, partly because of her hunger, and partly from a desire to find out what Irving had for her. “Thank you for the meal, First Enchanter. I feel infinitely better after having something to eat.”

Irving nodded. There was a trunk behind his desk, from which he pulled several items before going back to Evelyn. “Congratulations, Miss Trevelyan, on becoming a full mage. You did very well, you know. You defeated that demon so quickly, quicker than I’ve seen in quite some time. They like to toy with mages, you see, and it can take some time to see through their false promises.”

Evelyn nodded. “It… it looked like my brother, Sebastian, but I could feel that something was off. I had to use my magic against it. I knew it was a demon, but it looked so very like him.“

She wasn’t sure how much trouble she would be in if she told Irving about the demon turning into Cullen, so she chose to omit that part. He nodded in sympathy. “When I went through my Harrowing many years ago, the demon I faced took the visage of several family members. It was indescribably difficult to kill something that looked like someone I loved, even though I knew it was a demon.”

He squeezed her arm lightly before placing a folded pile of cloth in her lap. “Your new robes, Evelyn.”

Evelyn stood up and shook the robes out. They were lovely, a deep blue grey that reminded her of the ocean during a storm. The thread was silver, like streaks of lightning. She grinned, holding it up to herself to see what it might look like when she wore it. “It’s beautiful, First Enchanter,” she whispered.

He nodded. “I hear your specialty is storm magic, and this seemed fitting. The threads are enchanted with lyrium, and should give you a bit of a power boost when you perform certain types of spells.”

He then took her hand in his, placing a silver ring about her index finger. She felt a slight hum of magic resonating from it. “Is this also infused with lyrium?”

“It is. And I have one more item to give you.”

Irving pulled a staff from behind his back, and Evelyn gasped at it’s beauty as she took it gingerly. She trailed her fingers lightly along the staff. The grey iron was cool to the touch, and smooth and straight until she got to the top. It branched into two parts, each twirling around the other twice, a medium sized navy stone in the middle. She looked closely at the stone, noticing dark silver lines swirling inside it. She touched it, pulling her hand back quickly when it shocked her.

Irving grinned, something Evelyn couldn’t ever remember seeing before. “She’s lovely, isn’t she? I’ve been holding on to it for some time now, hoping to find someone suitable to give it to. It used to belong to a friend of mine, who was also able to call lightning. You’ll need a staff now that you’re a full mage, and it seems fitting that you should have this one.”

Evelyn wondered what she had done to deserve such a gorgeous gift, but thought she better not question it. “Thank you, Ser. It’s lovely beyond words.”

“Yes, well… Why don’t you go on now. Your belongings have been moved to your new quarters. Your cousin knows where they are, and he can show you and help you get settled.”


	8. Chapter 8

Cullen paced back and forth in the small room that served as the library's history section. Today had been a day off for him, since he had been present at a Harrowing the previous evening. Evelyn's Harrowing. He ran a hand through his curls, letting out a deep breath. He ought to go back to his quarters . After all, Evelyn was probably exhausted  - he doubted she would be coming by tonight.

He sat down in one of the chairs, putting his head in his hands. He shouldn’t be here. He knew he shouldn’t, but he couldn’t stop himself. He needed to see for himself how Evelyn was feeling after the previous evening, needed to know that she was alright. He wanted to hold her, to apologize for what he might have had to do, to let her know that he cared for her and her well being.

He was so engrossed in his thoughts of Evelyn and his own guilt that he didn’t hear her come into the room. He didn’t noticed her quietly pad over to him, had no idea that she was even there until she knelt down beside his chair and leaned her chin on his knees. He looked up to see her smiling, face tilted towards his. “Chin up, Templar. You look as though you’ve lost your best friend.”

Cullen was so relieved to see her, relieved that she was her usual teasing self, that he didn’t even think as he stood, pulling her to her feet. He put his arms around her in a firm embrace, breathing in her scent, unwilling to let her go. His heart leapt with joy when she hugged him back. She pulled back a little to look him in the eye, a worried look on her face, and she took his hands in her own. “I… Is everything alright, Cullen?”

It took a moment for Cullen to register the concern mixed with confusion on her face. “I apologize, Evelyn. I just…” he sighed in frustration. “I was terribly worried for you. And though I’ve no right to complain, since you actually had to go through it, but watching your Harrowing was so incredibly difficult. I had only been to a handful before then, most just to observe, but yours is the first when I’ve known the mage. And if by some chance you had become possessed I... “

He trailed off, unable to continue. Evelyn let go of his hands to give him a quick hug. “I understand. Honestly though, seeing you there, knowing I had at least one friend with me, it gave me some comfort.”

He smiled, though it faded quickly into a frown. He would have to tell her what his duty there could have been. “I’m glad for that, although I feel I should tell you what my role last night was, the biggest reason I was so afraid for you. Before every Harrowing, one of the Templars is chosen as the one to strike the killing blow should the mage become an abomination. Last night, Greagoir chose me to be that Templar.” He paused to catch his breath. “You’re my… I care for you a great deal, Evelyn, and I’m honestly not sure if I would have been able to do it.”

He hadn’t been quite looking at Evelyn, unable to meet her eyes as he confessed to her, but he lifted his head back up when he finished. She had a small smile on her face as she gently laid her hand on his cheek.He closed his eyes briefly, savoring the feel of her for just a moment. “Oh, Sweetheart, there’s no need for you to feel guilty. Honestly, I’m grateful that it would have been someone I know and trust that would have done it. And I absolutely would have wanted it done, Cullen. I would rather be dead than turn into some monster that could hurt the people I love.”

Cullen barely heard anything after she called him Sweetheart. She had used terms of endearment with him before, but it was usually to tease him and try to make him blush. This felt different though, as if she meant it. He hardly dared to contemplate what it might mean, not wanting to get his hopes up, only to have them crash down around him when he found out that she wanted nothing more than his friendship.

“Tell me about what happened while you were in the Fade,” he murmured, not wanting go down that other path quite yet.

Evelyn took a deep breath, leaning into Cullen and laying her head on his shoulder. He had never been particularly affectionate, even as a child, but Evelyn was clearly was. He tried not to read into it, knowing she was probably like that with all her friends. Her voice was low and throaty when she answered him. “I’m not sure how to describe it. I’ve been to the Fade in my dreams before, but this was different. It looked different, and the air felt different, staticky and thick. I found the demon almost right away, a desire demon I think. It was beautiful, though grotesque. And then it turned into my brother and I didn’t even know that I was in the Fade anymore. I figured out that it wasn’t really Sebastian and it changed again.”

She hesitated, as if she wasn’t sure she should continue. Cullen absentmindedly played with a strand of hair that had fallen loose from her braid, though Evelyn didn’t seem to notice. “You don’t have to go on if you don’t wish to, Evelyn.”

Her voiced dropped to a whisper. “I’m afraid that what happened next will change our friendship, and I’m not sure if I can take that, Cullen.”

Cullen took her chin in his hands and tilted her head so that she was looking directly at her. “You are my closest friend, Evelyn, and not a damn thing will change that, certainly not anything a demon tried to offer you.”

Cullen breathed in sharply as she leaned her cheek against his to continue her story. She started to speak again, whispering, and he couldn’t help but shudder a little at the feeling of her warm breath in his ear. “The demon morphed into you, Cullen. The desire demon, who could read me well enough to know what my deepest wants are, knew that I wished to go home, and even more than that, that I wished for you. You offered to run away with me, Cullen, to leave the Circle behind forever so that we could be together. It was so tempting, and I wanted it more than I had ever wanted anything in my life. I knew that you would never abandon your duties so flagrantly, though, which made me realize that it was the demon offering me these things. And I know it was the demon, but it absolutely broke my heart when I had to kill it because it looked so very like you. ”

Cullen felt his heart speed up, though he wasn’t sure if he quite believed what Evelyn said to him. He wasn’t sure how to react, what to say, what to do. He pulled his face away from hers and looked down at her, utterly tongue tied. He wanted to allow himself to hope for even the merest possibility that she might want him, want to be with him, just as he wanted to be with her. She had just been through a difficult experience though, and he didn’t want to make assumptions.

He watched as Evelyn’s face slowly fell and she started to pull away from him. “Oh, well then. I… I’m sorry Cullen, I shouldn’t ha…”

He pulled her closer, enveloping her in the warmth of his body, and interrupted her words with a press of his lips to hers.


	9. Chapter 9

Evelyn let out the breath she had been holding, sighing dreamily against Cullen’s lips. He kissed her tentatively, as if he wasn’t completely sure that she would welcome it, as if she hadn’t just more or less invited him to kiss her.

He pulled away entirely too soon for Evelyn’s liking, a sheepish grin on his face that she was sure mirrored her own expression. “Sometimes you talk too much, Evie. My silence wasn’t rejection, just… I was stunned. I have wanted to kiss you for entirely too long now.”

Evelyn’s smile widened. “Then why didn’t you, Templar?”

Cullen shrugged. “I suppose I wasn’t sure if it would be welcome and I didn’t want to make our friendship feel awkward. Not to mention what could happen if anyone found out about our friendship, never mind anything more than that.”

Evelyn nodded. She honestly hadn’t given much thought to their precarious situation. If they were ever caught, at best they would be sent to separate Circles. She didn't even want to think about a worst case scenario. It really was no wonder he hadn’t done or said anything before now. "You're right, of course," she murmured. "We should probably forget this happened. Possibly stop meeting so often."

She turned away. Even though she knew it would be safer for both of them to walk away now, Evelyn wasn’t sure her heart could take watching Cullen agree with her and actually leave. He didn't say anything for a moment, and when Evelyn started to look up, he captured her face in his hands, tilting it upwards so that she was looking him right in the eye. "That's absolutely not what I was trying to say, Evelyn," he said, his voice low and almost angry at the thought that she might not think it was worth it to try. And Maker take her, but she actually felt a thrill at that anger. "I know we could get caught, but we aren't the first mage and Templar to fa... to start a relationship. And I highly doubt we'll be the last. You're more than worth the risk, I think. _We're_ worth the risk."

He captured her lips again, though there was nothing hesitant this time. This kiss was hungry, greedy, wanting more and more, wanting _everything_. She let out a soft moan, parting her lips slightly to dart her tongue out and licking the seam of his lips, urging him to open for her. He smiled against her mouth, opening his own, letting her in. Evelyn had kissed and been kissed before, but none of those others could even begin to compare to this. Their tongues danced wildly, matching the frantic pace set by her heart's beating. She fisted his shirt in her hand, desperate to pull him as close to her as she could. He did the same to her hair, a low growl escaping his lips as he pushed her until her back was against one of the bookshelves.

The thought that she should slow things down flitted through Evelyn's head, but then Cullen moved his clever lips to her neck and she couldn't think of a single damn thing at all. The hand that wasn't holding her hair slid slowly down her body, lightly caressing her breast on its way down to her hip. He pulled her closer, continuing to kiss his way up her neck until he reached her ear. His tongue darted out, and she shuddered as he pulled her earlobe into his mouth with a light scrape of his teeth. "Maker's breath, Evie, do you have any idea the effect you have on me?"

His voice was hoarse and his breath hot in her ear. She looked up at him, her lips twisting into a sly grin. "I think I have some idea," she said, wrapping an arm around to his backside, pulling him close enough that she could feel his erection pressing against her through the layers of their clothing.

Her smile widened when she heard his breath hitch, enjoying the power she held over him. He leaned his forehead against hers, panting and flushed. "Evie, love, we need to... to stop before this goes any further. I want this, want you, but you deserve better than up against the library stacks where anyone could walk in on us."

Evelyn was intrigued by the idea of getting caught in spite of all the danger that would bring, though she wisely chose not to voice that thought aloud. Instead, she placed a chaste kiss on his lips. “I know. I’ve been imagining your kiss for so long now and it was easy to get carried when it actually happened.”

Cullen smirked. “So you’ve been imagining this? Tell me, Evie, was the reality better than the dream?”

Evelyn rolled her eyes and gave his rear a playful swat. “Don’t let it go to your head, Templar. Wouldn’t want you getting cocky.”

He raised his eyes, barely suppressing a laugh. “If I recall, that’s exactly what you wanted  a moment ago.”

“That was terrible, Cullen," she groaned. "Surely you’ve got better jokes than that."

Cullen merely shrugged before pulling her in for one more kiss before they had to part. Evelyn thought that she would never grow tired of his taste, that she might always feel that thrill in the depths of her belly every time she kissed him. He pulled away from her and she immediately missed the warmth he provided and the press of his body against hers. "When can we meet again?" he asked her, not bothering to disguise the eagerness in his voice.

Evelyn kissed him again, a delicate press of her mouth to his. "Night after next, I think. Same time and place as usual."

She waited for his nod, then ran off back to her quarters lest she be tempted to stay and finish what she and Cullen had started.

******

Despite not getting to bed until after three in the morning, Evelyn couldn’t help but be cheerful the next day. Not only had she passed her Harrowing and become a full mage, but that kiss with Cullen… It wasn’t as though she hadn’t ever kissed anyone before, several someones, in fact. This though - those others didn’t compare. And try as she might, she couldn’t stop remembering it.

Thankfully, it seemed as though everyone attributed her silly grin to making it through her Harrowing. As a full mage, her day was freer than it had been as an apprentice - she met with several senior enchanters to help her decide on further specialization for her magic as well as what she wanted to do with regards to her continuing studies. She knew she wanted delve further into magical history, in particular the study of magical artifacts and rituals of other cultures.

She was lost in thought as she ate a late dinner that night, combing through a tome about ancient Elven artifacts, barely even picking at the food on her plate when Merry plopped down in a chair next to her. Evelyn looked up and and waved hello to her best friend. Merry smiled weakly at her, stealing a bite of potato off of Evelyn’s plate. “What’s wrong, Merry?”

Merry finished chewing, taking her time before she swallowed. “Nothing that can’t wait until after dinner. What’s gotten into you, Evie, that’s had you smiling all day long?”

Thoughts of the previous evening floated to the forefront of Evelyn’s mind and she couldn’t stop her lips from turning up. “Come, Darling. I’m done eating anyway, and we should talk somewhere with less ears.”

She got up, taking her plate and the book in one hand and grabbing Merry’s with the other. She pulled her out of the dining hall, moving so quickly that Merry, who was a fully six inches shorter, was nearly jogging as she tried to keep up.

They reached Evelyn’s empty room in quick order. She put the book on the desk at the foot of her bed, while Merry sat down. Evelyn sat down as well, legs crossed and tucked beneath each other as she faced her friend. “Spill, Merry. What’s got that worry on your face?”

Merry shook her head and forced herself to smile. “You first. You’ve clearly got happier things to talk about, and I’ve known you too long to believe it’s just your Harrowing.”

Evelyn hesitated briefly, weighing it over in her mind. Merry clearly wasn’t ready to open up yet, though, and trying to force the issue would only make her close up even more, if past experience was any indication. “Do you remember my Templar friend? He was one of the Templars guarding my Harrowing. You wouldn’t believe what a comfort it was to see a friendly face there, Merry. So I went to the library last night to help clear my head and he was there waiting for me.”

“And?” Merry asked, leaning in, eager to hear more.

Evelyn leaned back against her headboard, a dreamy smile on her face. “He had been worried about me, apparently, worried that I might not make it through the ritual. So he kissed me.”

“That’s it? ‘And he kissed me’? Surely you can give me more details than _that_!”

“I was honestly afraid you’d be mad at me, dearest. You did warn me not to pursue anything with him, after all, and that’s when we were merely friends.”

Merry rolled her eyes and gave Evelyns arm a playful tap. “First of all, even if you are going to make poor decisions with handsome Templars, I still want all the interesting details. And secondly, I don’t know if you recall the tone you used when you first met your mysterious Templar, but you were never going to be just friends with him. Now, I think it’s time for you to spill, Evie. And don’t leave any of the good parts out either.”

Evie grinned, sitting up so that she could be closer to her friend, wrapping an arm around one of Merry’s. “I have never been kissed like that in my life, Merry! He started off unsure, but when he knew that I was receptive, well… he had me up against the library stacks and I swear, if he hadn’t stopped, I would have let him take me right there. It was glorious, Merry.”

She sighed and lay her head on Merry’s shoulder, and Merry lay her cheek on top of Evelyn’s head. “Do you think it’ll be worth it? The risk of getting caught, I mean?”

“Absolutely. I know what it could cost us both if anyone were to find out, but I would never have gotten involved with a Templar if I were only interested in his pretty face. He’s a good man, Merry. He truly wants to protect people, both mages and non-mages. And you wouldn’t know it, but he’s got a wry sense of humor. And of course he is quite handsome, though I feel I might be a bit biased. Such lovely, golden curls that you just want to constantly run your fingers through.”

Evelyn could feel Merry smiling against the top of her head. “Golden curls? You’re talking about the new Templar, right? Got here just a few months ago, has the prettiest caramel colored eyes? He always look so serious, Evie. Certainly not the type to… to almost make love to a lady in a library, of all places.”

A giggle escaped Evelyn’s mouth and before long, Merry had joined in. The pair sat there, giggling together, until they both nodded off, still leaning on each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Deleted scene time! This is not part of the story, but came about after a conversation I had with my sister about Cullen going back to his room and... relieving some tension (I believe the exact phrase used was 'rub one out' and she told me to do better than that. Hopefully this is better). This very brief scene was borne from that conversation. It is definitely pure smut. :D
> 
> ******
> 
> Cullen lay in his bed several hours later, one hand on his chest, the other behind his head, completely unable to sleep. The other Templars he roomed with had already left for the day, off to perform their various duties while he tossed and turned. Every time he started to get comfortable enough to fall asleep, his thoughts would stray and he would start to go over his earlier encounter with Evelyn. He couldn't get her scent out of his head, the scent of her magic, something akin to a warm summer time thunderstorm. He called to mind the way she had tasted, too, like fresh berries and cream. He let out a low moan, feeling himself grow hard at just the thought of Evelyn's kiss. He was never going to get to sleep at this rate. 
> 
> He looked around the room again, and sighed in relief when he saw that everyone was most definitely gone. He ran his hand down his chest, slowly, almost hesitant, imagining it was one Evelyn’s delicate hands. He roamed lower, reaching into his small clothes and wrapping his hand around his shaft. He stroked himself slowly, imagining her straddling him, fully clothed over his naked body, running her hands over his chest, his hips, and then finally wrapping around him. He sighed at the picture he was drawing in his mind. She wouldn’t hesitate, his Evelyn, not at all. Her grip would be firm and solid around him, slow at first, becoming quicker until he could barely stand it.
> 
> He was panting now, his own strokes growing firmer and faster. He imagined Evelyn growing even bolder, lowering her head to wrap her glorious lips around his cock. The mental image of her soft, pink lips moving up and down his shaft brought him to the edge, and he needed only a few more strokes before he came, his seed spilling hot and sticky in his hand. He found a handkerchief and cleaned himself up, still breathing heavily. He fell asleep mere minutes later, a contented smile on his face.


	10. Chapter 10

Cullen tossed and turned in bed all day. He was looking forward to seeing Evelyn again that night, but he couldn’t shake a feeling of restlessness. When he finally did manage to fall asleep, his dreams were strange and troubling.

He was in the circle tower at Kinloch Hold, searching desperately for Evelyn. He could hear her laughter, occasionally catch brief glimpses of the heel of her foot as she ran out of the room he just entered, see her hair trailing behind her in the thick fog that seemed to cover the entirety of the tower.

He could hear her calling his name, though it sounded distant and murky.  He nearly caught her once. He managed to catch the sleeve of her robe, but the material slipped right through his fingers. He stopped to get his bearings, but nothing looked right. He felt like he was going round and round in circles, never making any headway.

He turned into a room, what he thought would be the kitchens, but turned out to be the Harrowing chamber, and there she was. Evelyn was laying before the altar, wearing nothing but a chemise so thin he could see her nipples through it. She smiled, beckoning him to her, and Maker help him, he couldn’t stop himself from going and kneeling before her.

She caressed his cheek, gently pulling his face down to hers. They were close, so close that their breath mingled. He wanted nothing more than to devour her mouth with his, but as he leaned closer, Evelyn’s face twisted and morphed in a grotesque reverse of what she had told him of her experience in the Fade. Her features became sharper, meaner, completely unlike his Evelyn, until whatever was before him resembled her not at all. He stumbled back, horrified as the demon before him started to grow horns right before his eyes.

It was still smiling at him, all traces of seductiveness gone from its face. It made him feel hunted, like a prey animal, as it stalked towards him on all fours. He tried again to escape, but it was quicker than he thought possible. It reached out, grabbing his wrist, pulling him close enough for an embrace. Its took his face in both hands, and time seemed to slow as it came even closer.

Cullen woke with a start, his heart pounding and his breathing erratic. He sat up and used his blanket to wipe the sweat from his face, steadying his breath as he did so. He looked around the room. It was still empty, though he could see the light fading outside the window. His roommates would likely be back soon for the night. He dressed quickly in his civilian clothes, not feeling hungry, but knowing he should eat something regardless.

He managed to scrounge up something edible from the kitchens and decided he may as well head to the library to wait for Evelyn. He sat down in her chair, picking up the book on top of the pile she had left while munching on an apple. He knew that Evelyn found these books incredibly interesting, but he could not for the life of him understand why. They were about as fascinating as dry toast.

He finished eating and gently placed the book back on the pile stacked next to the chair. He leaned back, allowing his thoughts to drift, until his eyes closed and he was softly snoring. That’s how Evelyn found him several hours later. She didn’t say anything to him, just sat on his lap and kissed him until he awoke. Cullen opened his eyes as she pulled away, brushing away a piece of hair that had fallen over her eyes. “Well, hello to you too, Lady Trevelyan.”

Evelyn’s return smile was shy as she said, “I couldn’t help myself - I’m terribly glad to see you. I half thought the other night had been a dream and that you wouldn’t be here now.”

He nuzzled into her neck, sighing and placing a gentle kiss right where her neck met her shoulder. “Evie, love, I will always be here for you.”

She jumped up, pulling him with her. “In that case, there’s something I want to show you.”

He followed her without hesitation as she led him through the tower. She was nimble on her bare feet, hardly making any noise as she went. He wasn't exactly loud himself, but he felt like a great lumbering oaf in comparison. She looked back, smiling when she saw that he was still with her, as if he would be anywhere else. She led him downstairs, through the kitchens to a door he hadn’t known was there. She opened it, peeking out before motioning him to follow her still.

He looked around quickly, recognizing the gardens. She darted through, making her way over to a small, abandoned tower. She placed her hand over the door’s lock, mumbling something before a bright light flared up for just a moment. They both looked around this time, but nobody was around to notice. She tugged his hand as she went inside, closing the door behind them both.

“This used to be an astronomy tower. It hasn’t been used since before my time here, though, so it’s a little… it could use some love. You’ll want to watch where you put your feet as we go up. There are some missing stairs.”

Cullen nodded, stepping only where she stepped as they climbed the rickety wooden stairs. They seemed neverending, but finally, they reached the top. He scanned the small circular room, surprised to see candles lit up amongst the old furniture, and let her pull him over to a window opposite the top of the stairs. “My friend Merry told me about this place some time ago and I thought it might be a nice change from the library.”

She sounded hopeful, and almost unsure of his reaction, but he couldn’t have been more pleased. He looked out the window, pulling Evelyn close so that she could look with him. “It’s perfect, Evie, truly.” He pointed to a cluster of stars as he continued. “That’s Bellitanus, the maiden, though the constellation was originally named after the old god of beauty and changed by the Chantry some time ago.”

Evelyn snuggled in closer, wrapping her arms around his waist. “Do you know a lot of the constellations, then?”

Cullen shook his head. “No, not as such. I grew up on a farm though, and enjoyed spending a lot of time out of doors as a child. My father taught me and my siblings a few that he knew.”

There was a low couch next to the window, and he sat on it, pulling Evelyn to sit with him. She did so, putting her legs over his lap and curling into his side as he put an arm around her shoulders. “Do you want to hear something silly?” she asked quietly.

“I want to hear anything you wish to tell me.”

“I’m so nervous I could vomit and I don’t have the slightest idea why. It’s not like I’ve never been alone with you before. And while I have no expectations about what might happen between us tonight, it wouldn’t be my first time being intimate with a man if that is the direction this took. And yet I can’t stop the butterflies currently doing battle with each other in my stomach.”

Cullen’s heart began to race and he was surprised Evelyn couldn’t feel it trying to break free from his chest. He took a moment to make sure his voice would remain steady. “I’m perfectly happy just sitting here with you like this. And I would certainly enjoy anything else we might choose to do as well.”

Evelyn smiled, breaking free from his embrace so that she could turn to face him, straddling his lap. “I want _everything_ with you, Cullen, and I don’t want to wait or drag this out. You should know that I don’t do this lightly. If I didn't care..." she paused to take a deep breath, and Cullen wondered what she was steeling herself to say. "Shit, Cullen, I wouldn’t be here with you, like this, if I wasn’t completely in love with you.”

There was such a great mix of hopefulness and trepidation in her eyes as she looked at him. Her hair was loose about her shoulders and he pushed it behind her ears so that she could see him properly when he spoke. “I think I started to fall in love with you the very first night we met, no matter how I didn’t wish to believe it. You were so cheeky, darting about at all hours of the night just to read those dusty old history tomes, teasing me just to see how much you could make me blush.”

Evelyn smiled, pulling Cullen’s face up to hers, and whispered, “Thank the Maker,” before claiming his lips for her own.


	11. Chapter 11

Evelyn couldn’t get enough of him, couldn’t get him fast enough. She wanted to devour him, body and soul, and her lips and tongue set a desperate pace that Cullen was more than capable of meeting. She ran her hands down his chest, toying with the buttons of his shirt as he reached down, pulling the hem of her robe up.

“Maker’s breathe, Evie,” he moaned as he removed her robe completely, finding not a stitch of clothing beneath it.

She watched him as he drank in the sight of her, enjoying him enjoying the sight of her body. “Like what you see, Templar?”

Cullen raised an eyebrow in question. “Did you doubt that I would find you anything less than perfect, love?”

Her nipples hardened under his gaze, so intent and full of longing for her. She could hardly believe that he wanted her, her serious Templar, nevermind that he loved her. It was unreal, she thought.

Cullen lowered his mouth to one of her breasts, and she gasped as he took her into his mouth. She leaned forward to allow him better access, which he fully took advantage of as he slid his hand down her stomach and delved into the patch of auburn curls below it. She bit her lip, a low moan escaping her throat as he found her center and began rubbing slow, lazy circles. She gripped his shoulder with one hand, her nails digging in hard enough that she knew she would leave tiny half moons on his flesh. She rather liked the idea, as if she were marking him as hers and hers alone.

Both Evelyn’s and Cullen’s breathing grew labored as she reached between them, feeling his erection straining to be free of his pants. He leaned his head back as she stroked him through his clothes, eyes closed in blissful pleasure. His deft fingers grew bolder, moving faster as she started to thrust against him, riding his hand. She felt a pressure low in her belly and groin starting to build, more intense by the second, until she thought she might break apart. She gripped him through his pants as she came, closing her eyes as she felt her body explode into a million tiny pieces.

She looked him in the eye as the waves of pleasure from her orgasm subsided, hoping the sly grin on her face told him that she meant business. She kissed the base of his throat, licking her way up to his ear, whispering, “Who knew you were so good with your fingers, Templar?” Cullen chuckled a little, cut short when Evelyn sucked his earlobe into her mouth, biting down just enough to hurt. “I do believe I owe you for that, love.”

She sat back, running her palms over his chest, her dextrous hands making quick work of unbuttoning his shirt. _Too many buttons_ , she thought, almost feverish to get his clothes off so that she could see all of him. She didn’t bother taking off his shirt when she finished, letting him shrug it off as she moved on to his pants. She stood, pulling them off swiftly and tossing them into a pile with her robes. “My turn to look now, love.”

Cullen grinned wickedly, stretching out and putting his arms behind his head to give her a better view. Evelyn had thought he would be more modest, but was thrilled at his bravado with her. He was beautiful, lean and muscular, with just a smattering of blond hair across his chest. She let her gaze wander lower, licking her lips at the sight of his erection. She wanted to taste him before he was inside her, wanted to hear the noises he would make, hear the hitching in his breath.

Evelyn returned his wicked smile as she raked her nails lightly down his chest. She lowered herself before him until she was on her knees, still running her nails lightly along his body, moving from the base of his shaft upward, slowly circling the tip. She looked up at him, wanting him to see how much desire there was in her eyes. She could have sworn she heard him growl quietly and that was all the encouragement she needed. She whispered, “You’ve such a lovely cock, Cullen. I think I’ll have a taste.”

She didn’t wait for a reply, just wrapped her lips around him, teasing her tongue around the tip before taking him completely into her mouth. He was nearly too big, but it was worth it when she heard the low moan of pleasure come from deep within Cullen’s throat. He fisted his hands in her hair, thrusting upward as she moved up and down. Maker, but the slight tugging of her hair in his hand felt good. She was voracious, and would have kept going until he came inside her mouth if he hadn’t stopped her.

He pulled out of her mouth, panting heavily. “Evie, Evie, what am I going to do with you?”

Culled released her hair, a slight blush that Evelyn found rather adorable coloring his cheeks. She climbed back into his lap, knees on either side of him. “I’m sure we can think of a few things, Cullen.”

She stroked him again, guiding him inside her as she slowly lowered herself onto his cock. His hands moved to frame her hips as she gently rocked back and forth over him, slowly at first, then picking up speed as her orgasm started to build again. She felt insatiable, unable to get enough of him even as she began to ride him harder and faster. It was almost too much for her, the pleasure of him inside her, his hands on her hips moving with her, the warm damp of his tongue on her ears, her neck, in her mouth. She cried out as she came, marveling at the adoration on Cullen’s face as her muscles contracted around him, bringing on his own orgasm. His voice was hoarse and low as he told her, “You’re absolutely glorious right now, love.”

She leaned against him, breathless, their bodies slick with sweat from their exertions. Evelyn thought she should say something, perhaps move off of him, but she was absolutely boneless with contentment. Cullen found a blanket that she had brought to the tower earlier and wrapped it around them as they curled up, limbs tangled in each other.

Evelyn awoke several hours later as pre-dawn light began to turn the sky pink. She smiled at the feeling of Cullen’s arms around her, his soft snores breaking the silence. She got up, placing the blanket back around his sleeping form, and stretched slowly. She found her robes, dressing quickly in the low light streaming in from the window. When she turned back to face Cullen, she saw that he was awake and watching her, silent, contentment plain on his face.

He joined her, surprisingly light and graceful on his feet, pulling her into his arms for one last kiss before they would part for the day. His body felt warm as she ran her hands up his back, in spite of the chill in the air. She sighed as he slipped his tongue into her mouth, his kiss slow and sure of her affections.

Evelyn was so caught up in Cullen’s kiss that she didn’t realize they had company until she heard someone clear their throat in a loud announcement of their presence. She felt Cullen stiffen immediately, even as he was pulling away from her. She tried to shield his nakedness with her own body as she turned to see who had intruded upon them. Her stomach dropped and she closed her eyes in a slow blink, seeing her entire world crumble before her as First Enchanter Irving and Knight-Commander Greagoir stood, their disappointment and anger nearly palpable.


	12. Chapter 12

_Thirteen Years Later_

Evelyn wiped the sweat from her brow and continued to search for the medallion she had dropped. The rest of her party had gone ahead without her, not wanting to be late for the conclave. The medallion, the size and shape of a coin with her family's crest on the front, was important to her, given as gift from her brother so many years ago. She finally saw it, the sun glinting off the silver, making it shine from the grass. She picked it up quickly, placing it back around her neck.

She looked around, trying to get her bearings so that she could soldier on toward the Temple of Sacred Ashes. She wasn’t exactly sure how she got roped into this. She had been relocated to the Ostwick circle after being caught with Cullen all those years ago, and there she had remained until the Kirkwall circle fell and the mage rebellion began in earnest. She supposed she should be grateful that Sebastian had been allowed to stay on in Ostwick, despite being her twin. He was the one who managed to smuggle her out when some of the Templars began slaughtering mages in their beds. Together, they were able to save many lives, something for which she was eternally grateful. She knew things had to change in the circles, knew the cruel and unfair imprisonment of mages had to stop. She had never wished for this violence though.

Her brother managed to get her and the other mages to a safe location where they were able to meet up with another group who was trying to make their way to safety. Her parents had provided safe harbor for any mages who could make their way to the Trevelyan estate, helping in the best way they knew how. And then the Divine had called this conclave, a last ditch effort to repair relations between the Templars and the mages before they all ended up dead at each other’s hands. She had been chosen as part of the mage delegation, likely because of the power her father wielded in Ostwick. She wasn’t particularly keen on the idea, but she was willing to push her reluctance aside if it would help end the fighting.

She finally caught up, but everyone else was already inside the temple. She could hear their muffled voices, some shouting, but when she rushed to open the door she found it locked. She called her lightning, placing her hand over the lock to try to melt it. It didn’t always work, but the temple was ancient and so were its locks. She got the door open, but after that, the next thing she remembered was being pushed out of the Fade before she lost consciousness.

******

When Evelyn awoke, she was in what looked like a dungeon, hands shackled together at the wrists, four men in armor pointing swords at her. There were two other women in there with her, though they were no prisoners, if their demeanor was any indication. The red haired one was clearly concerned, while the other, tall and imposing in her armor, radiated anger. She yelled something at her, but Evelyn couldn’t quite get her bearings. Something about everyone dying, though when she searched her mind for the events that led to her being here, she came up blank. The dark haired, angry woman grabbed her hand, asking her to explain herself.

There was a throbbing pain in her hand, and when Evelyn looked down at it, she saw a glowing green mark pulsing on her palm. Her eyes widened in terror as she pulled her hand back. “I… I don’t remember what happened!”

The woman threw her hands up in frustration, pulling Evelyn to her feet and out of the dungeon cell. She heard the first woman call out Cassandra, though she was ignored as the other woman pulled her along. “Come. We will see what that mark of yours can do.”

As Evelyn followed her through a camp, she could feel everyone glaring daggers at her, though she knew not why. “Please, tell me what’s going on. I have no idea how I came to be here.”

The other woman, Cassandra, came to a sudden stop and turned to look at her. “You truly don’t remember? The Divine is dead, there is a hole in the sky with demons pouring from it, and you were seen being pushed out of the Fade by a woman, wearing that mark on your hand. Some are saying that you had something to do with Most Holy’s death. Still others are whispering that it was Andraste herself that saved you from the Fade.”

The color drained from Evelyn’s already pale face as they continued their trek out of the camp. She followed along a winding path that started to move upward. Cassandra stopped again, pointing to something in the near distance. “Demons,” she spat out. “There are only two. You stay here and I’ll take care of them.”

Evelyn nodded, still overwhelmed by everything that was happening. She watched as Cassandra cut down the first demon. When it looked like the second might get the better of her, Evelyn scanned the area to see if there was anything she could use to help. She spied a staff sticking out from under a crate, so she picked it up and began to shoot lightning at the demon. She distracted it long enough that Cassandra was able to take its head clean off its body. Evelyn was relieved, until Cassandra stalked over to her, her anger thick and heavy in the air. She pointed her sword at Evelyn’s throat telling her, “Drop your weapon!”

Evelyn’s own anger flared up. Just who did this woman think she was? “I absolutely will not! I’ve done everything you’ve said so far and if I hadn’t picked up this staff, you likely would have gotten seriously injured. And anyway, I’m a mage - I don’t actually need the staff to be dangerous.”

Evelyn knew she shouldn’t have blown up at the other woman like that, but she couldn’t stop herself. She had no memory of anything after reaching the Temple doors, and had woken up imprisoned, shackled, with swords pointed at her as if she were the one who was about to destroy the world. And if that wasn’t enough, she had been dragged out to face Maker only knows what kind of dangerous things without a weapon. No - she was done. She stood her ground, staring at the other woman until she sheathed her sword. “You’re right, of course. I should remember that you’re willingly helping us. I cannot leave you defenseless, nor can I keep you safe myself. Come along.”

They continued up the path until they came to a clearing. There were others fighting, a dwarf and an elf, surrounded by several demons that had come from a smaller version of the Breach that was dominating the sky. She and Cassandra helped fight off the demons, and when there were no more left, the elf came to her and took her hand in his own. He turned it over, lifting it up towards the rift. She could feel his magic pulse through her, guiding whatever magic was connected to that mark on her hand,  as the rift began to grow smaller and smaller, until it finally disappeared.

Evelyn pulled her hand back, shocked at what just happened, her eyes growing wide as she looked back up at the elf before her. “What did you just do?” she asked, her voice nearly a whisper.

“I did nothing. The credit is yours,” he stated matter of factly.

“ _I_ did that? How?”

“Whatever magic opened the Breach in the sky is also responsible for placing that mark on your hand. I theorized that your mark could be used to close the rifts. It seems that I was correct.”

Cassandra came to stand closer to them “So then this mark could be used to close the Breach itself?”

The elf looked at Cassandra before answering. “Possibly,” and turning back to Evelyn. “It seems you hold the key to our salvation.

Evelyn started to feel faint, felt as though she was trapped with walls closing in around her. She thought she might actually begin to hyperventilate, but she was saved by the dwarf. She thought he looked rather ridiculous with his shirt open so low, though she rather admired him for it as well, admired his obvious give-no-fucks attitude. He sauntered over, saying, “Good to know that we won’t be ass deep in demons forever.” He joined the rest of the group, giving Evelyn a quick once over. “Varric Tethras. Rogue. Storyteller. Occasional unwanted guest of the Chantry.”

“That’s a… nice crossbow you’ve got there,” she replied, not really sure what to say just then.

That was obviously the right thing, because he began to preen. “Isn’t she, though? Bianca and I have been through a lot together.”

Evelyn smiled. “Bianca? You named your crossbow?”

“Of course! And she’ll be great company when we go down to the valley.”

Evelyn zoned out a little as Cassandra started to argue with Varric about coming with them. She looked over to the elf, who was unphased by the bickering, clearly having witnessed it before. “I’m Solas,” he said, “if there are to be introductions. I’m please to see that you’re still alive.”

Still alive? Evelyn knew she had been out for a bit, but she hadn’t known the situation had been that dire. She vaguely heard Varric mention something about Solas keeping the mark from killing her in her sleep. She smiled sheepishly at him, thanking him for whatever he did to keep her alive, then tried to listen as Solas and Cassandra discussed the type of magic he had felt at the rift. She knew that she ought to be paying attention, since she was apparently going to be playing a rather important role in closing that… hole in the sky, the Breach, Solas had called it.

She looked up at it, tendrils of green light swirling from it, as if they were trying to escape, the whole thing dominating the sky. She shuddered involuntarily. A tear in the veil of that magnitude really could destroy the world, and she was expected to somehow close it, all because of some cruel twist of fate that had left her with this strange, glowing mark on her hand. She had no idea how she was going to do it, or even if she could, but what else could she do? Let it devour the whole of Thedas?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was in the middle of wedding planning stress when I wrote this and the next chapter. Some of the conversation is super similar to/the same as actual game conversation because of the previously mentioned stress and lack of time. For later chapters, this definitely won't be happening. I'm definitely going to fudge dialogue and some in game events to suit the story I'm telling here :D


	13. Chapter 13

Evelyn followed Cassandra and the others to the site where the Breach had first appeared. She couldn’t believe the amount of destruction surrounding her, the Temple of Ashes in complete rubble, demons lying dead around her. She tried to take everything in, but it was just so surreal. She had no idea how long she had been unconscious, but the world seemed to be a completely different place than when she last remembered. How does one come to terms with that?

She stopped and turned as she heard footsteps behind them. It was Leliana, the other woman from earlier in the cell. She had a small group of men and women with her, all carrying bows and arrows, and behind them were several other men taking injured soldiers to safety.  Cassandra motioned for them to position themselves before turning to Evelyn. “The Commander has taken the injured back to Haven, and Leliana and her people have arrived. This is it. Are you ready to try and end this?”

_No_. “Yes. Well, I’m ready to try, at any rate, though I’m not entirely sure what I’m doing.”

Solas joined them, pointing down to a smaller rift below the balcony they were standing on. “That rift there was the first to appear, and the Breach grew from that. If you can close it, I think we may be able to close the Breach as well.”

“Alright then,” she said, starting to make her way down a path in the rubble. “Let’s get on with it, yeah?”

They picked their way over and through chunks of marble and other stone, around the bodies of demons until they stood before the rift. Evelyn started to feel queer, her stomach churning, her head growing heavy, until she heard her own voice. She looked up, seeing herself running in somewhere, watching the Divine being held in some magical binding, asking what was going on here. The Divine looked to her, yelling at her to go, to run while she could, as a disembodied voice ordered someone to kill the mage. Her, she thought, they meant _her_ and she couldn’t fathom why, as she had never done anything that could warrant someone calling for her death.

The vision faded. Cassandra was frantic as she came closer to Evelyn. “You _were_ there! Who attacked? And the Divine… is this vision true?”

Evelyn wanted to step back, move away from Cassandra, unsure about what she might do to her. After all, she was a mage and an apostate now, and she had apparently borne witness to the Divine’s death. She stood firm though, unwilling to give an inch. “I don’t _remember_!” she cried out, frustrated and overwhelmed by everything.

Solas interrupted at this point, before the situation could grow more tense. “I believe we’re seeing echoes of what happened here. This rift is stabilized for now, but not closed. I believe Evelyn could open the rift with her mark, so that it can be properly sealed. That will likely draw attention from the other side, though.”

Cassandra snarled. “Demons, you mean. Everyone in position, then.”

She nodded to Evelyn, who took a deep breath and raised her palm toward the rift. She wasn’t entirely sure what she was supposed to do, but she allowed her instincts to take over, willing the rift open. She was almost surprised when she could feel magic pulsing through her hand again, doing exactly what she wanted it to do. She hated it, the feeling of this foreign magic, slimy and thick, nothing like her own.

She stumbled as the rift opened again, and watched, wide eyed and slack jawed, as a massive beast of a pride demon appeared before them. Solas was at her side, telling her to focus on weakening the rift while everyone else dealt with the demon. She had no problem with that - pride demons were nasty brutes and she had no desire to to go toe to toe with one.

She directed all of her energy on the rift, willing it to grow smaller, to close. It was more difficult this time without Solas using his magic to boost her own, not to mention the difficulty she was having concentrating with the sounds of the battle behind her. She nearly faltered when more demons poured forth from the rift, but they were weaker than the first demon, swiftly cut down by Leliana’s people.

Finally, she heard Cassandra let out a battle cry, and she turned her head to see the other woman drive her sword into the demon’s neck, her relief as it fell nearly palpable. That was all she needed, and she poured the rest of her energy into closing the rift. As the last of its strange glow winked out, she fell once again into blissful unconsciousness.

******

When Evelyn awoke, she was in yet another unfamiliar place, a small, two room house from what she could tell. She supposed she should be grateful that she wasn’t in a dungeon cell, hands shackled, surrounded by men pointing swords at her, but she mostly felt tired, even a little lonely. She wished, more than anything, for something or someone that she recognized.

She jumped when she heard a clang, something being dropped to the floor. She looked up, into the eyes of a startled young elf. “I’m so sorry, My Lady. I didn’t mean to disturb. I… I should go and alert Lady Cassandra that you’re awake.”

Evelyn started to tell her that it was alright, but the young woman rushed out of the room. She shrugged, got out of bed, and looked around. The furnishings were sparse - the bed, a table and chair, and a small trunk Evelyn hoped held any of her belongings that might have survived. She opened the trunk, frowning when all she saw were unfamiliar clothes. She lifted out a shirt and pair of pants anyway and held them up, deciding she may as well put them on when they looked like they would fit her.

She puttered around a little after dressing, not quite ready to face the world outside yet. She finally decided it was time, knowing it was better to get this over with. She opened the door slowly, momentarily blinded by the bright sun shining into her eyes. She placed a hand over her brow to shield her eyes, grateful when a cloud covered the sun. She took a deep breath in, readying herself to move, but stopped in awe as she was able to see her surroundings. Haven was a small settlement, but it seemed like everyone was outside, waiting for her. It was such a different scene than last time, when all she got were anger-filled glares and tear filled eyes. This time though, the people were all smiles, whispering to each other and thanking her. _Thanking her_. She was floored, not sure how to respond, so she hurried along to the Chantry, murmuring thank yous as she passed by everyone.

She closed the Chantry door behind her, leaning back against it to catch a breath. It seemed as though she was no longer the enemy, that perhaps everyone actually believed her about not having anything to do with the Divine’s death. 


	14. Chapter 14

Cullen watched from the back of the crowd as Evelyn approached the Chantry. He was a riot of emotions - anxious on her behalf, nervous about seeing her, talking to her after so many years, terrified at what her reaction would be when she finally realized who the Inquisition’s commander was. Mostly though, what he felt was grateful. Grateful that she was alive and seemingly well. Grateful that Cassandra finally believed her to be innocent of anything connected to the Divine’s death. Grateful that she had managed to close the first rift. Even though it hadn’t closed the Breach itself, it was still cause for hope.

The people of Haven realized it as well. After so much turmoil and despair, they needed this hope, the belief that things were going to get better after all. Many were calling her a savior, saying that Andraste herself was the one who helped Evelyn in the Fade. The Herald of Andraste, they were calling her. He chuckled at that, wondering how she would feel about it. The Evelyn he knew when they were young would have been amused by it, he thought, amused by the thought that she of all people was chosen by Andraste.

This Evelyn though, he wasn’t sure about her. It had been so long. He had been through so much in the years since they were torn apart, and he wasn’t sure that he would consider himself the same man. Why should he expect it to be any different for her? Surely she had changed as well, especially with the Templar/mage conflict that was currently raging across Thedas, the source of not a few of his own issues.

He turned away once she was safely closed behind the heavy wooden doors of the Chantry. He knew that he should be in the meeting Evelyn was about to join, but he thought it might be easier for her without the surprise of seeing him after all these years. _Liar_ , he thought. He wasn’t sure if he was ready to face her again after so long. The best he could hope for would be awkward tension. The worst… Maker, she was going to be angry at him for some reason, he just knew it. After all, he was a former Templar, and he knew what happened at her Circle. He wouldn’t blame her if she hated all Templars on principle now. His views on mages had certainly been… uncharitable after the Blight, and in Kirkwall.

He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck, a nervous habit that he never had been able to break. If he wasn’t going to join the meeting, he really ought to do something productive. He thought about training with his soldiers, but looking through the crowd, seeing and feeling everyone's excitement, he knew they wouldn’t be able to focus. And why should they? Evelyn closing the first rift wasn’t a complete victory, but it was something worth celebrating. No, he would leave his soldiers be for now.

He walked to a group of training dummies, running his hand along the top of a shield before picking it up. The shield was smaller than what he had used as a Templar, but the weight of it on his arm was still familiar. He spied the glint of sunlight on metal and picked up a sword that was lying in the grass beside the training area. He tested its weight and balance with a few swings - not quite right, but it would do for now.

He stood before a training dummy. Deep breath in, slowly out. Shield tilted down. Feet apart, right foot forward, knees slightly bent. He enjoyed the sense of familiarity as he began practicing defensive maneuvers, letting his mind go blank as he moved on to offensive moves. He lost track of time, working up a sweat, letting go of a few of his worries.

He paused and turned when he heard someone clear their throat behind him. “Everything ok, Commander?”

He nodded at Cassandra and put down the sword and shield. He found a relatively clean looking cloth draped over a crate, which he used to wipe the sweat from his face. “Just fine, Cassandra, thank you. How is Miss Trevelyan settling in?”

Cullen could have sworn Cassandra smirked at him, but the look was gone too quickly for him to be sure. “You should ask her yourself, Commander.” She beckoned him forward. “Walk with me, Cullen.”

He nodded, following her silently until they reach the dock over the frozen offshoot of Lake Calenhad. Cassandra leaned against a post, arms crossed, and it made Cullen nervous. He had fought demons, blood mages, even his own Knight-Commander, but he would not wish to go up against Cassandra. “There’s something you are not telling me about her, Cullen, and I wish to know what it is. She has agreed to help us, to work with this Inquisition to close the Breach and restore order, and I do not like working with an unknown quantity.”

He sighed. Cullen wondered how much he had to tell her, and how much he could get away with omitting. “We were both at Kinloch hold for a time. We were… friends. She left that circle over a decade ago, and I haven’t seen her since. She was a good woman, though, with strong magic and excellent control. I can’t imagine that has changed much.”

Cassandra snorted. “Friends? Then why are you avoiding her?”

So he wasn’t going to be able to skirt the truth with her after all. “This doesn’t go beyond you and me, Cassandra.”

She nodded. “Of course, Commander.”

He rubbed the back of his neck, pacing a little as he spoke. “We had a very brief affair, but were caught. She was sent to Ostwick. I was sent away for… reeducation, I suppose you would call it. I went back to the Ferelden circle after it was complete. I haven’t seen her since we were found out.”

He looked up at Cassandra, expecting to see… he wasn’t entirely sure what. Shock, maybe. Disappointment. Anything but the sympathetic look that was currently being directed toward him. “I’m sorry, Cullen. I’ve heard rumors about what the Templars do to members of the order who fall out of line.”

He shrugged, not wanting to remember. It was an unpleasant memory from a long time ago, and much had happened since then. “It was my own fault. We were young and in love, and that made us reckless. It honestly could have been much worse for both of us.”

She looked as though she wanted to pry further, but something about the look on his face must have stopped her. “I appreciate you telling me.” She started to walk away, then paused and looked back at Cullen. “You really should go talk to her, before someone else mentions you by  name, instead of just the Commander. She seems to be a spirited woman and I imagine she won’t be happy if she finds out you’re here and avoiding her.”

She walked away before Cullen could reply. He followed her, steps heavy with frustration, feeling completely on edge. He knew Cassandra was right, but that didn’t mean he had to be happy about it. 


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maker, this chapter was a pain to write! Between the actual content, and being a little bit sick this week, I wasn't sure if it would get done (and it's not really my best work, but such is life). Here's hoping the rest is easier :D

By the time Evelyn’s meeting with Cassandra and Leliana had ended, the sun was low in the sky. Haven looked pretty in the twilight, the deep oranges and pinks of the sky reflecting off the frozen water. She had officially joined the Inquisition, and not just as any old mage. She was, apparently, the Herald of Andraste, the new face of the Inquisition. Andraste’s knickers, how did she manage to get herself tangled up in something like this?

She hurried back to her little cabin. It was daunting, having all these people depend on her already, to trust her with such an important task. It’s not that she was unwilling to help. She was glad to be doing something that might have a real and lasting impact, something that would actually help people. It was just a lot to take in over such a short amount of time.

Someone had started a fire for her. She smiled at the thoughtfulness as she pulled a blanket from the bed and sat down on the floor before the fireplace. Winter was not being kind to Haven, and she wrapped the blanket around herself to shield her from some of the cold.

The fire was mesmerizing as Evelyn sat watching the flames dance and jump. She had nearly nodded off when she heard a swift rapping at her door. She sighed, debating with herself about whether she really needed to get up and answer it or if she could just ignore it and go to bed. There was another swift knock, followed by a muffled voice saying, “Miss Trevelyan? It’s the Commander. I was hoping we might have a word.”

She sighed again. No getting out of this, then. She hadn’t met the man yet, and she supposed it would be better to meet him sooner rather than later, no matter how tired she felt. “Of course, Commander. Just a moment.”

She stood, throwing the blanket back on the bed without bothering to straighten it. She was stiff from sitting on the floor, so she stretched as she slowly walked to the door. She slid open the bolt she didn't remember closing in the first place, opening the door slowly so that she could savor a few more seconds of being alone.

Her heart nearly skipped a beat when she saw the man standing before her. It had been thirteen years since she saw him last, and he had certainly changed quite a bit, but she would recognize him anywhere, anytime. She stood there with the door open, dumbfounded, wondering how he possibly came to be here.

Cullen cleared his throat. "Is it alright if I..." he started to ask, gesturing towards the inside of the small building.

Evelyn's eyes widened. She was being rude, staring as she was and leaving him standing in the cold, but she could barely comprehend the fact that _Cullen Rutherford_ was standing in her doorway. "Oh! Of course. Yes, I... Sorry. Please, come in."

She stood aside to allow him passage and he gave her a small, embarrassed smile as he stepped inside. She shut the door, leaning her head against it for a moment, not turning until she heard Cullen’s heavy footsteps cease. She didn’t know what to say, what to _think_ , so she stood there, watching him as he watched her. He started to speak, but she held her hand up. “Just.. give me a moment to take this in please, Cullen. It’s not everyday that you run into long lost lovers after being forcibly separated from them for more than a decade.”

He nodded, standing there silently so that she could take the moment she had requested. Evelyn stared, completely unabashed. He was taller than she remembered, though she chalked that up to a fuzzy memory. He had always been handsome, she thought, but his good looks had had all the boyishness of his age. Now, though, much of that was gone. He had grown broader of shoulder, and his face had lost the softness of youth. Even his hair had grown a bit darker, less curled. It was more than that, though. The way he carried himself was different. He had been a bit awkward, nervous and unsure, when she knew him at Kinloch Hold, but before her stood a man who was sure of his convictions, of his place in the world, even as it was falling apart around them all.

Cullen waited patiently, arms loosely crossed over his chest. Evelyn walked toward him, slow, so slow, almost afraid that she might spook him and he would disappear. He dropped his arms to his sides when she was close to him, close enough to touch. Close enough to embrace. A silly thought, she knew. It had been too long, and they had both been through much. There was a scar above his lip, and without thinking, Evelyn reached up to touch it, her caress gentle. He closed his eyes briefly, his breath a little shallower than it should be. She wondered about that scar, and about any others he might have, both visible and not.

“How did this happen?” she whispered, pulling her hand back.

He ran his hands through his hair. “Maker, I’m going to need some fortification if we’re doing this,” he mumbled, just loud enough for Evelyn to hear.

This she could help with. She grinned as she motioned him over to the table and chairs. She sat down, pulling a flask out of her pocket and handing it to him. “I was walking back here after meeting and I heard Varric call out to me. Freckles, he called me. _Freckles_.” She shook her head in amusement. “Anyway, he slipped this flask to me and said he heard I might need a little bit later. He must have known… Wait, does everyone know that we...  have a history?”

He unscrewed the cap, taking a sniff. “Brandy, I think. And no, not as such. But I might have been avoiding you.”

Evelyn’s eyes widened at his admission. There were no hard feelings between them, or at least she had thought so. He was certainly acting civil with her now. She waited for him to finish a sip before taking the flask back and having a sip herself. She winced as she felt the burn in her throat. “Why would you avoid me?”

She passed the flask back as he shrugged. “I wasn’t sure how you would react to my presence. And honestly, I was trying to work up the nerve. I had no idea how this reunion would go and I’m coward enough that I avoided it for as long as I felt I could in case it didn’t go well.”

Another sip of brandy. “Just how did you imagine this not going well?” Evelyn asked.

Cullen took another sip as well. “I thought at best, it would be awkward, considering. And at worst… I’m not sure. You asked about my scar? It happened in Kirkwall, as the Templar/mage war began. And I imagine you heard about what happened at the Ferelden circle after you left?”

Evelyn nodded. “Sebastian told me what happened to you. He said… He said you had been imprisoned and tortured by blood mages.”

Culled took another sip, longer this time, finishing off what was in the flask. “Do you remember what you told me about your Harrowing? How the demon you found turned into me? After we were found together, I was sent away for ‘disciplinary action,’ which is just a nice way of saying reeducation. It was… unpleasant. And it didn’t work. I knew enough to fake it, but they couldn’t make me not love you anymore. And Uldred and his mages got into my head and used that against me. There was a moment after you fell out of the fade when I wasn’t sure if you were actually real.”

He was barely looking at Evelyn as he told her this, instead playing with the empty flask. He had paused his story, not even noticing as she pulled her chair closer to his because he was so lost in his own thoughts. He looked up at her when she placed a hand gently over his, a small smile on his lips as he turned his hand and gave her fingers a gentle squeeze. She fought back tears, but Cullen must have seen them glistening in her eyes anyway. He removed a glove, a gentle touch of his palm against her cheek as he wiped away a stray tear with his thumb.

“I’m not telling you this for your sympathy, Evie. I want you to know that I was in a bad place after this. I was sent away to recuperate while the tower was rebuilt. I… did not think highly of mages then. Any mages. It was hard to let go of what was done to me, to my fellow templars. And I held on to that fear, that hate, even when I was assigned to Kirkwall. I’ve let go of a good deal of those feelings, but it’s still difficult sometimes, though I’m trying.”

Evelyn moved closer to him, wanting to be near him, to offer comfort if she could. “Well, you have my sympathy nonetheless. And I don’t blame you for your feelings. I heard a great deal about Kirkwall from Sebastian. And I know that, despite what you may or may not have felt about mages, you acted honorably, and you did the right thing when you knew what Meredith was doing.”

He shrugged, dismissing her defense of him. “I know what happened in Ostwick, Evie. I know about the Templars at your circle, how they slaughtered defenseless mages in their beds as they slept. I wouldn’t blame you if you hated me on sight, just for being a Templar. Former now, by the way,. I left the order when Cassandra asked me to head the Inquisition’s forces.”

Evelyn shook her head. “That’s not how I work, Cullen. Those Templars are not you. And Sebastian was there. There were too many for him to fight, but he and a few other Templars helped smuggle what mages they could out of the tower. We saved a lot of lives together that night, but he no longer considers himself a Templar either. My parents have opened their estate to any mage who needs shelter, and Bas helps them out there and searches out other mages who need a safe place to wait out this violence.”

“I remember your brother being a good man and I’m glad to hear that he is unharmed. I’m more glad that you escaped relatively unscathed.”

Evelyn smiled and they sat there in silence for a moment before Cullen stood. “It’s getting late. I should let you get some rest, Evie. But Cassandra wants to meet again tomorrow to discuss plans more in depth. I’ll see you then?”

Evelyn stood as well, and walked him to the door. “I wouldn’t miss it,” she joked. She gave him a quick hug, friendly, though not as friendly as she might have liked. “Goodnight, Cullen.”

He squeezed her back, nodding as he let her go. He didn’t say anything, just walked out the door. She leaned against it after closing and bolting it again, sliding down to the floor. “Maker,” she groaned, her voice sounding louder than it was in the emptiness of her quarters. “What in the world have I gotten myself into?”


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm doing a new thing with this chapter and it's fairly short (like, half the length of most of the others). Which is why I'm posting it tonight, even though I just posted a full chapter earlier. Yay for bonus chapters? Anyway, it's a letter written to Cullen from Evelyn while she's in the Hinterlands.

_Commander,_

_ Three weeks, Cullen. That’s how long I’ve been in the Maker forsaken Hinterlands. Don’t get me wrong - we’re doing good work. I’ve closed so many rifts that I’ve actually lost count. We’ve gotten several people willing to help out the Inquisition and they (along with Dennet) will likely be at Haven before this letter reaches you. And we’ve been doing things for the refugees, trying to help them out. All manner of things. There was an old widower in Redcliffe that I spoke to, who was just heartbroken because he couldn’t visit his wife’s shrine due to all the bandits in the area. Maker, Cullen, how could I not bring flowers there for him? And the way his face lit up when I returned to tell him it was done… It really drives home just how important what we’re doing is, even if it is just bringing flowers to a dead woman’s grave. _

_ Not that we haven’t been doing bigger things as well. We’ve cleared out camps of both Templars and mages that have been fighting. I know it needed to be done, that these men and women were sowing chaos and destruction, but I never thought I would ever have need to take lives that way. And here I am three weeks in, already an old hand at it. That sounds glib, doesn’t it? I suppose sarcasm doesn’t translate well in the written word. To be honest, I’m terrified. Terrified of what I’m capable of, terrified of what I could  _ become _ capable of. I don’t want to be the type of person who can so easily take lives, even if it is necessary. I close my eyes in bed at night and I can’t sleep because I see their faces, their blood dripping from my hands. _

_ Maker’s breath, I’m supposed to be updating you on the Inquisition’s progress, not getting maudlin about everything. So on that note… I’m sure you remember the messenger I met when I was leaving Val Royeaux. Well, when we got to Redcliffe, Fiona had no idea what I was talking about! Not only that, but the rebel mages seem to have allied themselves with a Tevinter Magister named Alexius, who has driven everyone else out of Redcliffe (including the Arl. We should really look into ways to remedy this situation). The timing is certainly suspicious, and I had my doubts about how everything came to pass (how much of a choice did the Tevinter give the mages, really?). The magister’s son slipped me a note, asking for my presence at the Chantry. When we got there, a rift had opened, but it was unlike the other rifts we had come across. Time… I don’t know.. flowed differently, I suppose, around this rift. There was another mage there, a man named Dorian, who helped us fight the demons. _

_ Cullen, the things he told us… if it’s true, then we definitely need to find a way to stop Alexius. He’s been working with someone Dorian referred to as the Elder One. Dorian had no idea who this person is, but I imagine he’s some mad magister intent on trying to claim the power of a god or some such nonsense (isn’t that what they always do, in the stories our parents told us at night to scare us?).  I wouldn’t normally give this Elder One much credence, but Dorian believes that Alexius can manipulate time with magic, that he did so in order to get to Redcliffe before us, so that the mages could ally with him instead of the Inquisition. And more than that, it seemed like it was personal with me, though I can’t really explain why I have that feeling. _

_ It should be impossible, Cullen, manipulating time with magic. And if I hadn’t seen and felt that rift in the Chantry, I would still believe that to be so. Honestly, I think Dorian is telling the truth. And that is a truly frightening thought. Please, tell Leliana about this. See if she can find out any information about Alexius or this Elder One. Whether we decide to approach the mages or the Templars for help with the Breach, I’d like to take care of this particular situation. Sooner, rather than later if at all possible. _

_ We still have a few things to finish up here, but Cassandra is confident that we’ll be able to head back to Haven within a week and a half at the most. I’m looking forward to sleeping in a warm bed, in a proper shelter. And a bath. A real bath would be absolutely divine. We all reek to high heavens and I’m even sick of my own smell. _

_ Take care, _

_Evelyn_

 

 


	17. Chapter 17

Cullen paced back and forth in the war room. Leliana and Josephine were already there, but they were waiting for Evelyn and Cassandra to clean up after traveling. Maker, but he was angry. He felt hot, so hot, and he knew that he was probably bright red as well. Not that he cared at that particular moment.

He looked over at Leliana and Josephine. They were whispering to each other, kept looking up at him with concern in their eyes. It looked as though Leliana was going to make her way to him, but when she saw the look on his face, the fury in his eyes, she kept her distance. He rolled his eyes. “Maker’s breath, Leliana. I’m not going to hurt you, much as I’d like to hit _something_.”

Leliana made her way to him then, hesitating only a moment before placing a light hand on his forearm. “Perhaps you should try to calm down, Cullen. Preferably before Cassandra and the Herald arrive to brief us on the events of Redcliffe.”

He glared at her. He was about to snap at her as well, but the door opened. It was probably better this way, he thought. This mess wasn’t Leliana’s fault, even if she had wanted to recruit the mages. He stopped pacing, staring at Evelyn as she entered, arms crossed, his body stiff and radiating the anger that he felt. He watched her walk over to the war table, not noticing the worry hiding behind her smile because he was still so furious with her.

He barely heard her as she began to recount the events, wasn’t even sure that he _wanted_ to hear her. “What were you _thinking_ , Evelyn?” he interrupted, his voice a low growl, barely above a whisper.

She turned to him, her eyes wide. She stared at him for a moment, puzzled, and then he saw anger flash in her eyes. There. That’s what he wanted. He hadn’t realized it, but he wanted to start a fight, to yell, and scream, and she was about to give him exactly that.

“Excuse me?! What was I _thinking_?” her voice was getting higher pitched, louder. “I was _thinking_ that we needed to stop Alexius. I was _thinking_ that the mages were being kicked out of Ferelden and had nowhere to go. I was _thinking_ that we need help closing this damn breach that’s dominating the sky, and here were potential allies. Do you have a problem with that, Commander?”

Maker, he hated the way she said his title. He could practically feel the disgust dripping off her words. “Maker's Breath, Evelyn, of course I have a problem with it! We never made a final decision about who we were going to try to recruit and here you are, deciding for everyone anyway.”

“Cullen, calm down,” Cassandra interrupted. “While I may not fully agree with the Herald’s decision, I do support her. She made the best choice she could, given the circumstances.”

Cullen and Evelyn both turned to her, his look more of a glare, hers filled with gratitude. “Thank you, Cassandra,” she said, her voice softening as she took the Seeker’s hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. “But I assure you, I’m more than capable of handling the Commander.”

She turned to him then, all the softness gone from her gaze. Her stance was just as hard, no give, no quarter. _This will be good_ , Cullen thought. “And what, Commander Rutherford, is your issue, exactly? We needed allies for closing the Breach, and even if you don’t approve, I got us those allies.”

Maker, but she really didn’t understand why he was so irate. “Your choice was, at best, reckless and irresponsible.” He heard the door close, noticed that everyone else had slipped out of the room, leaving Cullen and Evelyn to their argument. “You let your bias as a mage get in the way of making an informed decision.”

Oh, Evelyn looked positively livid now. Her lips curled into a snarl, nostrils flared as her breathing got louder and heavier. He could feel the anger and heat radiating off her, and though he was loathe to admit it, even to himself, it made him want her. Andraste’s knickers, what the hell was wrong with him? “Bias? Tell me, former Templar Rutherford, do you not have any bias whatsoever?”

She had gotten closer to him, almost stalking him as her prey. He shivered as she punctuated her words with a sharp jab of her finger into his chest. He couldn’t even feel it through his armor, but he wished he could. “I’m not a Templar anymore, Herald.”

He anger flared again when he refused to use her name, just as he knew it would. He wanted her angry, wanted to see the fire in her eyes. She snorted. “You were a Templar for your entire adult life and then some. Old habits and biases are hard to let go of, Commander.”

She was right, he knew. Hadn’t he more or less said that himself, when he told her about his feelings towards mages? “I’m not biased, Evie. I’m not even saying the mages weren’t the right choice. I’m saying it wasn’t your choice to make, not alone!”

Cullen had started yelling again, barely managing to keep what little distance there was between them. Evelyn, however, got as close as she could to him, close enough to kiss. He wanted to, desperately. He wanted to hurt her, to be hurt by her, work out their anger with a good, hard fuck against the table.

“You have no idea what I saw, Cullen, none. I was in the damn future, and I saw what would have happened if I didn’t save the mages, if I let Alexius and the Elder One have them. And it was the worst thing I have ever witnessed. Cassandra and Varric were both nearly taken over by red lyrium. Fiona had the stuff _growing out of her body_. And Leliana… Maker, Cullen, if you could have seen her. She’d aged years because of the torture she was put through. And I couldn’t find you, but I don’t even want to think about what fate had befallen the Commander of the Inquisition’s forces. And I almost didn’t make it back, but Leliana sacrificed herself for me and Dorian. She told me to make sure that future never happened. So I did, Cullen. I made the decision to ally with the mages so that the future I saw will never come to pass. And if you don’t like it, then you can kindly go fuck yourself.”

Cullen stood there as she stomped away, mouth hanging open as she slammed the door closed behind her. He ran a hand through his hair, groaning, his anger fading. He slammed his other hand down on the war table, upsetting several markers that had been placed on it, and lowered his head, his breath growing deeper in an effort to calm himself further. He replayed the argument in his head, wondering just how badly he had screwed things up. 


	18. Chapter 18

He’d tried to apologize to her the entire week after their argument, but Evelyn refused to speak to him unless it was on Inquisition business. And now she was somewhere on the Storm Coast, possibly recruiting some mercenary band. Not that Cullen blamed her - he let his anger get the better of him and he lost control, something he rarely did. He felt his cheeks flame at the thought of his behavior. Maker, what had he been thinking?

_She could have died_ , he thought, his gut churning at the image. He shook his head to clear those thoughts from his head, instead focusing on his troops. Haven was absolutely lousy with mages now, and he knew they would have to find bigger accommodations at some point in the near future. He sighed, rubbing the back of his neck with a gloved hand. He’d leave that to Josephine.

A commotion was stirring in the distance, and when he looked up, Cullen saw a group approaching. Evelyn was back, with Cassandra, Dorian, and Varric, as well as what looked like a massive Qunari followed by a diverse group of people. Must be the mercenary group, The Chargers. Maker, he had no idea they were led by a Qunari. That could make things interesting, to say the least. He chuckled a little at the thought of some of the visiting nobles and what their reactions might be. It would be a lie to say he wasn’t looking forward to those introductions.

He briefly wondered if he should greet the motley crew that was making its way into Haven. He was the Commander of their forces, after all, and he would need to get to know this new group. Then again, Evelyn was probably still not speaking to him. It had been nearly three weeks since they argued though, so perhaps he would have better luck if he tried again later.

He continued watching his troops, calling out orders and offering instruction when necessary. The newest recruits were definitely showing improvement and one of his soldiers had had the brilliant idea of having the mages train with his troops. It was going splendidly well, all things considered, and Cullen honestly couldn't be more pleased with how well they were all doing.

“Alright!” he called out, motioning his soldiers and the mages closer. “Good work today, troops. Why don’t you all clean up and grab some dinner. I’ll see you in the morning - the evening is yours.”

He watched as his troops went off in various directions, most of them smiling at the unexpected free evening. He had been working them hard these last few weeks - they were preparing to make an attempt at closing the Breach soon, and he wasn’t sure what to expect. Nobody was, and he didn’t want his soldiers to be caught unawares. He sighed, running a gloved hand through his curls. They had come far, but it felt as though there was still so much to do.

He turned, smiling when he saw Evelyn leaning against a post watching him, a massive Qunari next to her. Both had their arms crossed, though the Qunari was shirtless and had an eyepatch. He’d like to hear the story of how that happened, he thought. He strode towards them, noticing a few wooden staves on the ground next to Evelyn.

“What are those for?” He asked as he reached them.

Evelyn grinned, clearly up to something. “Cullen, meet The Iron Bull. He’s head of the Chargers, that mercenary group I went to check out on the Storm Coast. Bull, meet Cullen Rutherford, Commander of the Inquisition’s forces.”

Cullen turned to Iron Bull, offering his hand. The other man laughed, clapping him on the shoulder, nearly causing him to stumble at the force. “No need for that. You’re doing good work out there with the troops, but I asked the Boss if you’d let me see what you can do.”

Cullen’s eyes widened and he crossed his arms. He looked at Bull, wary. “You want to spar with me?”

The Qunari laughed again. “No, Commander, not me.” He pointed to Evelyn, who could barely contain her own mirth. “Her.”

He shook his head, but Evelyn interrupted. “Don’t be a spoilsport, Cullen. I won’t use my magic, so long as you promise to to use your abilities. Especially that thing you Templars can do to completely drain a mage of her energy. That one’s a bitch.”

“Absolutely not, Evelyn. I’m trained to fight, have been since I was thirteen. If you aren’t going to use magic, then it won’t be fair.”

She shrugged, picking up a staff to hand to him. “My brother has taught me a few things. And you can go easy on me if it’ll ease your conscience. I won’t tell on you.”

Cheeky as always. He rolled his eyes as Iron Bull let out a soft snort. “Fine, but I’m taking off my armor since you have none.”

Evelyn bowed her head in acquiescence, not taking her eyes off him as he removed his armor. He dropped everything in a pile at his feet, picked up the staff, and moved over to a clearing where his troops practiced. She followed him over, stopping before him. “We spar until one of us gives up.”

He nodded, mimicking her stance as she stood before him, both hands on her staff, feet slightly apart. “When you’re ready then, Evie.”

She grinned at him, and lunged forward, sweeping her staff over her shoulder with the point in his direction. She was quick, almost cat like on her feet, but not quick enough. He lifted his own staff, blocking hers. She stepped back, her smile still in place.

He swung his staff at her, knowing it wasn’t quite right, and missed as she leaped backward. “It’s not a sword, Cullen. Surely you can do better than that.”

So that’s how it was going to be then. He flashed his own grin in her direction, blocking another swing of her staff. “I don’t want to be too hard on you, my lady. Wouldn’t want to damage that delicate body of yours.”

Evelyn snorted. “Delicate, my arse. I think someone doesn’t know how to handle his own staff.”

Iron Bull chuckled in the background, his laughter joined by that of several others. It seemed as though they had attracted a little bit of an audience. He spared a glance around them and saw some of his troops, as well as a few mages. He thought he also a few of Leliana’s men and even the spymaster herself among the small crowd that was forming.

Evelyn took advantage of his distraction, sweeping him off his feet and flat on his back. She wasted no time lunging her staff downward, its tip stopping at his throat with the lightest of touches. “What do you say, Commander? Do you give yet?”

It was almost adorable, he thought, watching her face break out in a triumphant smile. She really thought she was going to win. “Oh, Evie, darling. I can go all night, if you recall.”

He may have gone too far with that, but it was worth it to see the shock on her face. Even more worth it when it provided enough distraction as he dropped his own staff beside him, grabbing hers and pulling it. She came forward with it, landing on Cullen with surprising grace. He dropped her staff as well, rolling over and taking her with him so that he was now on top of her. It was almost indecent, he thought, the entire length of their bodies pressed against each other. He let out a slow breath, trying not to let her scent distract him. Lavender, like one of Leliana’s fancy Orlesian soaps, with a hint of vanilla perhaps, and the underlying scent of the sweat she had worked up while they sparred. It was intoxicating, and he nearly let it get the better of him. He pinned Evelyn’s arms above her head, enjoying the sight of her at his mercy. Images of a younger Evelyn flashed in his mind, of the one night they were able to spend together. She had be glorious then, but now? He couldn’t even imagine how much more so she would be. He wanted to find out, though, and he could feel himself starting to grow hard at the thought.

Evelyn could feel it too. She laughed, light and airy. I think you’re enjoying this, Commander,” she whispered, her words just for him. “I think you’d take me right now if we didn’t have an audience.”

She punctuated her words with a slight roll of her hips upward, her groin barely grazing his. It had what he assumed was the desired effect. He groaned, his voice low, and loosened his grip on her wrists just enough for her to slip free. She managed to roll them both over, somehow grabbing her staff as she did so. She jumped off him, lunging her staff down again, this time resting it right on his groin. Cullen raised his hands in surrender. “I give, Evelyn, though you don’t fight fair.”

She laughed again, putting her staff down and offering a hand to help him off the ground. “I’ll be sure to fight with more honor against the demons, then.”

Cullen let her help him to his feet, pulling her in once he was standing. “We will talk later, Evelyn.” A command, not a request.

She let go of him, taking a step back, a slight nod in his direction. “Until then, Commander.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one took a little longer than usual! I'm a big klutz, and sprained my ankle last week, which affected my sleep (and I am very much one of those people who can't function properly without sleep). This chapter is also completely un-betaed. My sister usually reads everything over for me, but hasn't really had the time as of late, so I apologize in advance for any wonkiness. I do have a couple of shorts that I'm almost done with, though (some female Lavellan/Cullen smut and some male Lavellan/Dorian angst). Hopefully I'll be able to post them sometime this week!
> 
> As usual, thank you for reading!


	19. Chapter 19

“Another one, if you please,” Evelyn demanded, slamming her tankard down on the bar in front of Flissa.

The barkeep eyed her, wary, unsure if she should give the Herald what would be her fifth ale. Evelyn didn’t look drunk, not yet, but she was certainly getting there. Flissa pushed a plate in front of her, but Evelyn curled her lip up at the sight of the meal. Chunks of possibly meat in some sort of gelatinous sauce. Chicken, she thought, though she honestly wasn’t sure. “Perhaps you should have a bite to eat, Herald? I haven’t seen you eat dinner yet, and it’s nearly nightfall. A little food in your belly would do you some good.”

Nightfall, already? “Maferath’s balls! When did it get so late?” She stood straighter, shaking her head. “Nevermind that ale, Flissa, dear. I’ve got a meeting with my own doom tonight.” Flissa quirked her eyebrow, but chose not to voice the question on her tongue as the Herald strode out of the Singing Maiden.

Evelyn made the tortuous journey back to her quarters, only stumbling a little bit. Perhaps she should have eaten the mystery food Flissa tried to give her. No matter - it was too late now and she promised Cullen that they would speak this evening. Not that she had much choice. She shuddered at the memory of his voice, deep and commanding, ordering her about as if he had any right to do so. Maker’s breath, she had _liked_ it, and that was the problem, wasn’t it? She shouldn’t like it, shouldn’t like _him_ , shouldn’t want him, not anymore. But she did, she did, and she couldn’t help it no matter how hard she tried.

The little cabin she occupied came into view far soon than she was prepared for. _Suck it up, Evie_ , she thought. One of the soldiers nearby glanced in her direction, and she realized that she must have said that out loud. She grinned at him, raising her shoulders in a careless shrug. He smiled back at her, unsure, shy. Good. She would show them that she was just a person, not this blasted Herald of Andraste that they all believed her to be.

She marched on, ever forward. If she was lucky, the earth might open up and swallow her whole before Cullen got there, saving her from a painful and awkward conversation. Maker, just what was she going to say to him?

She opened the door, nearly leaping out of her own skin when she saw Cullen sitting at her table. “Andraste’s tits, Cullen! You scared me nearly to death!”

He stood, nearly knocking over his chair in his haste. Evelyn walked toward him, another slight stumble over nothing. She hoped that he hadn’t seen it. “Evie! I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to.. Wait, are you _drunk_ right now?”

Ah, so he had noticed then. “No!” she exclaimed, her cheeks coloring. “Yes, maybe a little. I had a bit of ale. Without eating dinner first. But I’m not, you know, _drunk_ drunk. Just a little bit stumbly and mumbly.”

She giggled at that. Perhaps she was feeling the effects of that ale more than she thought. Cullen pulled out the chair opposite the one he had been sitting in, steering Evelyn over to it and sitting her down. “Perhaps we should do this another time, then?”

Beautiful, so beautiful it made her ache, made it hard for her to breathe, to think. It wasn’t fair, because she wanted him so desperately, and she couldn’t have him, not again. She looked him up and down, her gaze lingering on his shoulders, which had gotten broader and stronger in the years since Kinloch Hold. He had left off his armor, thank the Maker. It was so intimidating, and now he looked like a regular person in his snug cotton tunic. Those tight leather breeches weren’t doing her any favors, though they did him all sorts. His curls were messy, and she smiled because she knew he had been running his hands through them. She wanted to do it, wanted to tug at those curls as they devoured each other, destroyed each other. Because they would, and she knew it would be absolutely magnificent.

Cullen cleared his throat. She had been staring, but who could blame her really? “Oh! Sorry! I got… I let my thoughts wander. No, I’m fine, Cullen. Let’s talk.”

He hesitated, as if he wasn’t sure that this was a good idea, but he nodded. He didn’t sit down though, instead reaching behind the little wall that divided this area from her sleeping area. A staff, he had a staff. _Her_ staff, the one she had lost at the Temple of Sacred Ashes. Her mouth widened into a small “o” of surprise, and she let out a soft gasp as she covered her mouth with the tips of her fingers.

He shuffled his feet a little, nervous, his eyes pointing to the ground until he began to speak. “We sent a crew to explore the temple ruins and one of our men found this. I recognized it, from when we were at the circle together. It’s the one Irving gave you after your Harrowing, if I remember correctly.”

Evelyn was touched. This man… She stood without thinking, rushing to him and wrapping her arms around his waist, her head on his shoulder, squeezing him tightly. She turned her head so that she was nuzzling the crook of his neck, took a deep breath, wanting to remember the scent of him right now. He had bathed before coming here, the simple, clean smell of his soap a contrast to the flowery sweet scent of her own. He seemed shocked, but after just a short moment, he squeezed her in return, one handed, rubbing small circles at the small of her back. He placed a soft kiss on her forehead, so light she was sure she imagined it, before pulling away.

She took the staff from him, looking it over, wanting to make sure it was whole and undamaged. “I can’t thank you enough for giving my lady back to me. I know she’s just a staff and that there are others but… well, we’ve been through a lot together. This means the world to me, Cullen.”

Such a simple thing, to hold her own weapon again, but what she said was the utter truth. Her staff had been with her for so long, had saved her life on many occasions. She was startled as Cullen’s thumb dragged softly down her cheek, wiping away tears she didn’t notice she was shedding. “I’m glad, Evie. She’s not exactly the same, not without scars of her own. The orb was cracked, but Leliana sent it to one of her contacts in Orzammar to be repaired. It should function properly now, but the fracture still remains, I’m afraid.”

Evelyn twirled the staff slowly, stopping when she found the small fracture. Tiny, but it spiderwebbed out just a bit. She reached out with her magic, trying to feel the orb’s power with her own, smiling widely when its lightning was called to her own, creating a spark that had Cullen jumping back. “She’ll be good, but I’ll test her out on some training dummies in the morning.”

Oh, Maker, that grin. His lips had curled up in a self satisfied smile and before she could think about it, before she could stop herself, Evelyn used her free hand, fisting his shirt, pulling him close, bringing his mouth to the level of her own. She licked her lips, letting her mouth hover over his for just a moment, their heavy breaths mingling. “Evie… are you sure you…”

She interrupted him, darting her tongue out to lick the scar that touched his upper lip. She had been wanting to do that since she first saw him again and his low moan of pleasure was all the encouragement she needed. “This is _such_ a bad idea,” she whispered against his lips as she claimed them for her own.

_Andraste take me_ , she thought, deepening the kiss, needing to taste him. He opened up for her and she could have sworn she felt a smile on his lips as he did so, the smug bastard. But oh, she didn’t care right then, not about anything but the way his tongue swept into her mouth, so familiar and somehow new at the same time, reclaiming her as _his_. She had missed this, missed him, more than she realized and the thought of those thirteen years worth of his kisses that she would never have made her chest ache.

_Oh, no, no, no, I can’t, we can’t_ , she thought, pulling away, making an abrupt retreat. She turned to place her staff against the wall, leaning against it for just a moment to catch her breath and her thoughts. This wasn’t supposed to happen, she wasn’t supposed to kiss him. “Cullen, I…” she started, turning back to him.

Oh, his face, eyes wide with surprise, about the kiss or the end of it she wasn’t sure which. “I’m sorry, Cullen,” she continued. “We can’t… Maker, it’s so messy and tangled. _We’re_  so messy and tangled, Cullen. It’s too much, the past and the present colliding like this while the world is on the brink of destruction. I can barely remember to breathe around you sometimes. How am I supposed to close the sky?”

She could feel the tears now, hot against her cheeks, as she slid down the wall to sit on her floor. She was making a fool out of herself, but she didn’t care. She looked up at the sound of Cullen’s footprints, heavy even without his armor. He sat down next to her, taking her hand in his. She had never felt so small in her life as she did then, his large hand encompassing her own. He wrapped his other arm around her shoulder, pulling her close and placing another kiss on her forehead. Gentle, so gentle that she nearly came undone because she didn’t deserve it, not after kissing him like that and what she said after. She leaned into him anyway, drawing whatever comfort she could from the warmth of his body while she had the opportunity.

They sat in silence for a several moments before Cullen spoke. “I understand, Evie. I… It’s difficult, sometimes, to see you and talk to you, because my memories of the past get mixed up with the Evelyn who is here now. I understand and share your problem. I won’t say I don’t want you - I think that’s fairly evident. I’ll stop though, with the innuendos and the flirting if that will make things easier.”

_No_. Evelyn nodded. “That might be for the best. And I’m sorry I’ve been ignoring you since we argued. You muddle my thoughts, Cullen, and I thought it might be easier. It didn’t work the way I thought it might.”

Cullen laughed, the sound coming from deep in his belly. “I deserved it, Evie. I picked that fight on purpose. I was so angry. And frightened. You could have died and there was nothing I could have done because I didn’t even know until it was too late.”

Evelyn snorted indelicately. “And then who would have closed the Breach?”

Cullen turned to her, letting go of her hand so that he could turn her head to face him. “Evie, my fear had nothing to do with whether or not we could close the Breach if you died,” he confessed. “And that is a problem and why I understand why we can’t do… whatever this is.”

Evelyn sighed, allowing herself to sink back into him against her better judgement. They sat together in silence, and the next thing Evelyn knew, she was waking up in her own bed, alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just started a new playthrough of DA:I, swearing up and down that I would not romance Cullen again (spoiler alert: I am totally romancing Cullen again. I had this problem with Alistair when I played Origins - if I didn't make a male character, I always just sort of ended up romancing him. I have issues). And you know that smug look he gives the Inquisitor after they kiss on the battlements? It does things to me, you guys, things video game characters shouldn't do to a person. That's the smile I was thinking about when I wrote this. 
> 
> Anyway, thank you for reading!


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here be spoilers for In Your Heart Shall Burn. That quest was pretty tough for me, what with all the feels it brought on. So this kind of glosses over a lot of the fighting and destruction, instead focusing on Evelyn and Cullen a little.

Haven was burning. They achieved a great victory earlier that day when Evelyn and the mages closed the Breach and the evening should have been spent celebrating this joyous occasion. Instead, Evelyn was surrounded by red Templars, fighting not only for her own life, but for the lives of everyone at Haven. That strange boy, Cole, had come to warn them, but oh, he had been too late.

Evelyn had managed to save a good deal of Haven’s inhabitants, Cassandra, Dorian, and Sera by her side while Cullen helped gather anyone who couldn’t fight into the Chantry. But then he had come, the Elder One, _Corypheus_ , with Samson at his side. And Evelyn’s entire world came crumbling down.

They had managed to save a lot of the villagers, but not everyone. So many just... Gone, cut down by red templars. Maker, the chaos and destruction was like nothing she had ever seen.

What to do? There were three of them and one of her and she suspected she wouldn't be able to use much of her magic against them. And hand to hand combat wouldn't do much good either - Sebastian taught her to fight enough so that she could get away, not enough to do any real damage.

She shielded herself, smiling at the satisfying pop of her magic as a little bubble of protection went up around her. It would protect her for a little bit anyway. Long enough, she hoped, for one of her non-mage companions to help her out.

"Well met, gentleman,” she waved. “I don't suppose we could talk this one out?"

Her eyes widened as a sword was thrust through the neck of one of the templars. Cullen. She cast another shield spell, this time over him, as he fought the remaining two templars.

What a lovely sight he was. Evelyn had never seen him in battle before, but watching him now nearly took her breath away. He was usually so controlled, every word and motion a careful decision. Now, though, he was wild, a thing possessed as he cut through the templars that separated them. Cullen’s fighting was a thing of absolute beauty, and Evelyn couldn’t help the heat that coursed through her body as she watched.

The second Templar fell, and Cullen sent a wry grin in her direction. “Thought you could use a hand.”

Evelyn grinned back. “Oh, I was on the verge of figuring something out, I assure you. Are the villagers in the Chantry?”

He nodded, his smile faltering. “Evelyn, I…”

She shook her head. “Not now, Cullen. I have places to be, Templars to fight, destruction to stop. I’ve got to get to the South trebuchet. Cassandra and everyone should be there already.”

“Be careful, Evie.”

She started to back away in the direction of the trebuchet. “Cullen,” she laughed. “I’m _always_ careful.”

Cullen gave her one last lingering look before he shook his head and turned back to the Chantry. Evelyn turned as well, scanning the village. The path to the trebuchet was cleared of red Templars, and she could see Cassandra, Dorian, and Sera fighting in the distance, with several of Leliana’s people at their side. She ran towards them, staff at the ready, and joined the fray.

***

_I’m going to die_ , Evelyn thought. She had managed to get the trebuchet working again, burying a great deal of Corypheus’ troops, but then he had shown up with a dragon. A dragon that looked suspiciously like an archdemon, though how that was possible, none of them knew. Chancellor Roderick knew of a secret path out of Haven, and Cullen thought he could get everyone out, provided they had a distraction. As much as the thought terrified her, she knew it had to be her. Corypheus didn’t want anyone else. So she and a few others would make their way back to one of the trebuchets, this time aiming it towards the mountains. She was going to bury Haven to buy everyone else the time they needed to escape.

There was nothing Evelyn wanted to do more than to curl into a ball and hide. Or perhaps scream, rage at the dragon flying above Haven, as if that would make it fly away from them, its prey forgotten as it rushed to escape her. She nearly giggled at the thought of an archdemon running from her screams, but now was not the time. She forced herself to stand taller, hoping it conveyed a sense of bravery that she didn’t actually feel.

Cullen strode toward her when she beckoned him with a small wave of her fingers. “Can we do this, Cullen? Will it work?”

He sighed, shifting from foot to foot, rubbing the back of his neck. “Evie, I… yes, I think it might, provided you distract him long enough. But there might be another way to…”

Evelyn interrupted him with a shake of her head. “We don’t have time to think of another way to do this. If I don’t make it…” Cullen started to interpose, but she cut him off with a finger to his lips. “Stop, Cullen. I will likely die. But I would rather that than everyone else die. And if I do, I need you to write to my brother. Tell him… Maker, I don’t even… Tell him I love him and everyone else. Talk me up, too, make me sound braver than I am. Because I am fucking terrified right now, Cullen.”

Cullen pulled her in close, wrapping his body around hers. She felt safer than she had any right to, given everything that had happened between them,. Not that she particularly cared at that moment. He pulled away, tilting Evelyn’s face up just a bit so that she was looking up at him. There was so much in his eyes right then. Fear. Pride. Respect. Other emotions she didn’t want to think about yet. “Whatever you need, Evie.”

Evelyn kissed him on the cheek. She was glad he hadn’t tried to talk her out of it again, or placate her with false hope. She wasn’t sure she could go through with this if he had. “Thank you, Cullen.” She chuckled quietly. “You know, I always thought I’d be old and gray when I died, still locked up in a Circle tower. Or that I would accidentally blow myself up with my own magic. Now I’m going to… Maker, they’re going to make some sort of martyr out of me, aren’t they? I’ll be the damn Herald forever.”

Cullen shook his head. “Not to everyone, Evelyn Louise Grace Trevelyan.” She smiled at his use of her full name, surprised that he could still recall it. “I will always remember you as the girl who used to sneak out of bed at all hours of night just to read dull history books. And I will remember the woman before me now, so brave in spite of the task set before her, one that many others would refuse.”

Evelyn could actually feel her heart thumping in her chest now, it was beating so hard and fast, and she was afraid her bravado might falter at his words. Before it could, Cullen leaned down, capturing her mouth with his own. She nearly melted against him as his tongue swept into her mouth, tangling with her own. He started to pull away, but she wasn’t ready yet and she pulled his lower lip between her teeth. His groan sent a jolt of warmth right through her core, and she took it as encouragement to continue the kiss. The Chantry was chaos, with everyone bustling about, trying to make their escape, but everything but the sensation of Cullen’s lips on her own faded away.

She couldn’t tell if it had been seconds or hours, but Cullen finally pulled away. Her heart ached for him when she saw the utter despair in his eyes, and she wished, yet again, that they had more time together, more time to figure this out, whatever it was. His voice broke as he whispered, “Come back to me, Evie.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one is shorter than usual. Updates should be a little more regular soon (Camp NaNoWriMo starts tomorrow, and I'm planning to work on finishing this for it. Anyone else participating?). As always, thank you for reading :D


	21. Chapter 21

Cullen had sent the Herald to her death. Maker’s blood, he had sent _Evie_ to her death, and he honestly wasn’t sure if he was going to be able to live with himself after. He ought to go back and look for her, now that the citizens of Haven were safely away, encamped somewhere in the Frostbacks. He didn’t want to believe the worst, but he felt like he needed to go back, if only to bring back her body.

_Her body_ , he thought numbly. He looked around the camp, surveying the situation rather than dwelling in the worst. It wasn’t ideal by any means, but they were relatively safe, at least for now. The mountains were freezing, snow falling in heavy drifts. They would need to find proper shelter soon, though he had no idea how to even begin looking. Still, he thought he might have the hour or two to spare a trip back to the rubble that was now Haven.

He spotted Cassandra and Leliana, heads bent together, fervent whispers passing between them as they glanced in his direction every so often. They must have some inkling of how he was feeling right now - after all, they had borne witness to his and Evelyn’s goodbye. He paced back and forth before the makeshift war table they had set up, restless, needing to do _something_ , anything.

It was Cassandra who finally made her way over to him, a sympathetic look on her face. “Commander, you need to rest before we pack up camp tomorrow.”

He pivoted to face her, unable to stop the low growl in his throat. “I will not rest, Cassandra! Not when she might still be out there. I’m backtracking to try and find her. I will welcome your help, but otherwise I suggest you stay out of the way.”

Cassandra crossed her arms, eyeing him as she seemed to weigh her choices. “Alright. Dorian and Solas will come as well. If she survived, they will be able to keep her warm and healed. Give me ten minutes to get them and gather a few supplies.”

Cullen didn’t want to wait, wanted to have left well before then, but somewhere in the back of his mind he realized the necessity of Cassandra’s plan. He continued to pace while he waited, scowling at anyone who dared approach him until Cassandra and the mages joined him again.

“We’ll go back the way we came. The Herald is a smart woman - she’ll have been able to follow our trail if she escaped Haven,” Cassandra told them.

Truthfully, Cullen was grateful that Cassandra was taking charge of this operation. He couldn’t think straight, could only concentrate on finding Evelyn, no matter the cost to himself. He was likely to get himself hurt or killed that way, though he found that he didn’t much care at that moment.

They began the long trek back towards Haven, and Cullen found himself grateful for the fur he wore about his shoulders. It had taken everyone several hours to find a place to camp, but it hadn’t been snowing nearly as hard as it was now. He could barely see through the swirling white mess they were currently in the middle of. Still, they plodded onward, everyone else seeming to be as intent on their goal as he was.

Cullen wasn’t sure if he had ever been this… this _frigid_ before. His toes were ice blocks inside of his boots, and he could barely move his fingers, despite the fur lined leather gloves he wore. His heart ached for Evelyn, knowing she might be out in this with far less protection than he.

Though it couldn’t have been longer than a half hour, it felt like they had been walking for days when they reached a familiar pass between the mountains. They had made their last stop before camp just before this pass, if he recalled. He groaned to himself, wondering if they were ever going to reach what was left of Haven at the rate they were going.

 

“Commander,” Cassandra called, her voice jolting him from his thoughts. “I think… Do you see something ahead?”

He looked in the direction she was pointing, his heart leaping to his throat. A silhouette in the distance, barely visible in the snow, shambling towards them. It had to be her. There was no other option for him. She dropped to her knees, and Cullen saw black. No, no, no, he would not find her, only to be too late to save her. He charged forward, reaching her just as she fell to the ground completely, oblivion overtaking her. He knelt in the snow before her, not caring for his own comfort or safety as he pulled her into his arms. Evelyn was cold, so cold.

The rest of the party finally reached them, and both Solas and Dorian knelt down next to Cullen, who refused to let anyone take Evelyn from his arms. Solas placed a gentle hand over her chest, a dim glow spreading from his palm and over her body while he closed his eyes. “She is remarkably undamaged, all things considered,” he said. “Some bruising, a few cuts, but nothing broken, no internal bleeding. I’ve healed what I could - she needs rest and warmth now.”

Dorian nodded, replacing Solas’ hand with his own. A different glow emanated from his palm and Cullen could actually feel the warmth he was creating. “I can warm her some, but we need to get her to camp and out of these wet clothes.”

Cullen waited for the mage to finish before standing, Evelyn feeling far too light in his arms. “Let’s move, quickly then.”

***

Evelyn slept fitfully in her tent. They had made it back to camp with surprising haste, where Leliana forced Cullen to leave her long enough that she could get Evelyn into something warm and dry. Cullen hadn’t left her side since he had been allowed back in. Nor would he, not until she woke and told him to do so herself.

He pulled her blanket up to her chin, tucking it tighter around her to try and keep her warm. She was still so cold though, and he felt hopeless, unsure of what he could do to help. Her breath was shallow, and there was a quiet rattling in her chest as it rose and fell. Cullen hoped it was nothing more serious than a cold, but he couldn’t be sure. He’d have a healer come by in the morning to look into it.

Cullen laid a bare hand against her cheek and sighed. There was a pile of blankets and furs covering Evelyn, but it wasn't enough. She was still cold to his touch. He began to remove his boots and armor, stripping down to just his breeches, leaving his chest bare. He pulled back her blankets, removing several layers of clothing until Evelyn was clad in just a thin cotton shirt and her smallclothes. He climbed into her cot next to her, pulling her close so that he could wrap her up in the heat created by his body. She sighed in her sleep, turning in to him. Perhaps this would work after all.

Cullen awoke before dawn the next morning, slowly, more at peace than he had been in quite some time. He looked down at Evelyn, who had snuggled close during the night, her face nuzzled into the crook of his neck. Not a bad way to wake up, even taking the circumstances into account. She was warm, his idea having worked out. He pushed a stray lock of hair from her eyes, wanting to enjoy their closeness before she woke up. It was wrong, he knew. He should get dressed and slip quietly out of her tent to let her rest some more, but his gut still clenched when he thought of how close he had come to losing her the previous evening. He would not let her go just yet, though she might be angry with him when she woke.

Her eyes fluttered open as he watched her, the brilliant green a stark contrast to her pale skin. “Cullen?” she asked, her voice hoarse. “What… Where are we? Last thing I remember is falling into a pile of snow somewhere in the mountains.”

She didn’t pull away, something that pleased Cullen more than he could say. “We found you, right as you passed out. Solas healed most of your wounds, and Dorian used his magic to warm you as best he could. Cassandra was there too, although I think it was mostly to keep me from harming myself in my search for you. I carried you back here.”

Evelyn furrowed her brow as she tilted her head to better see his face. “How did we end up half naked in bed together?”

“You were so cold, Evie, even with the layers of clothing and a pile of blankets. The only thing I could think to do was offer my body heat. I thought you might be angry with me, but it would have been worth it if it kept you alive.”

Evelyn snuggled closer, tangling her legs up with his as placed a hand on his hip and pulled him closer. “I… this is nice, Cullen, having you this close. Stay a little longer please?”

Cullen pulled her in closer, dropping a kiss on her forehead as she continued her drowsy mumbling into his neck. It tickled, her breath on such a sensitive spot, but it was exquisite. “You’re so warm, Cullen. I think I want to stay like this until someone else takes care of that monster, alright?”

His face was pressed against the top of her head, and he smiled into her hair. “We can stay a bit longer. Unfortunately, there’s nobody else who can deal with everything, though. And I imagine either Cassandra or Leliana is going to come in to check on you at any moment.”

She looked up at him, her eyes still filled with sleep. He traced the line of her freckles from one cheek, across the bridge of her nose to the other cheek, and she nuzzled into his hand when he finished. He couldn’t believe she was allowing him such familiarity, such intimacy after their recent conversation. “We shouldn’t, you know. There’s so much to deal with, isn’t there? And neither of us can afford the distraction.”

She placed a gentle kiss on his jawline, following it until she kissed the corner of his mouth and made his breath hitch. “I don’t think you believe that, Evie.”

His hands moved up and down her back, fingernails lightly grazing her through the light cotton of her tunic. She shuddered, burrowing even deeper into Cullen’s embrace. “Oh, I _believe_ it, Cullen,” she laughed. “I’m just not sure I care that it’s a bad idea.”

She reached up and kissed him, slow and lazy, as if they had all the time in the world, her hands sliding down the muscled plane of his chest and stomach. He sighed against her lips, opening for her as she ran her tongue along the seam of his own. He groaned into her mouth as she rolled her hips into him, only wondering for a second if he should let this continue, or if he should listen to his better judgement and put a stop to things.

He rolled them both so that he was on his back, his hands tangled in her hair as she straddled him, not breaking their kiss. She pulled away for a moment, staring down at him with a smile lighting up her face. "Have I ever told you how beautiful you are, Cullen?" He could feel his neck and face begin to redden under her gaze. "I've thought about this, you know, being with you again. Often, Cullen. I want you to remind me what you feel like when you're inside me, and I want to feel your stubble scratching my inner thighs. I want to taste you, Cullen, and I want to hear you cry my name as you come for me. Will you do that for me?"

He gasped as she dipped her fingers into his breeches, unlacing them with her other hand so that she could tug them over his hips, leaving him completely bared to her. “Are… are you sure about this, Evie? You were half dead when we found you yesterday. I would understand if you needed to… postpone things.”

Evelyn quirked her eyebrow as she looked down at him. “Cullen,” she replied, her hands wrapping around his erection. “Do I seem unsure about this?”

He pulled her down for another kiss, his lips hungry, fierce, as he thrust upwards into her hand. He pulled away, gasping her name. “Maker’s breath, Evelyn!”

She grinned at him, clearly pleased with herself, and pulled her tunic over her head, tossing it on the floor of the tent. Cullen sucked in a deep breath. There was only a little light being given off by a small lantern on the other side of the tent, causing shadows and light to dance across her pale flesh. Cullen thought it must be magic, that she must be magic, the way she glowed.

He pulled her down to him, harder than he meant to, but was encouraged by the squeal of delight that fell from her lips. He still had a hand tangled in her auburn locks, loose and messy from her fitful sleep, and he used it to pulled her face to his. He wanted to consume her, just as he was consumed by her. “Evie, I…” he started to whisper, his lips hovering so close to hers that they were sharing breath.

She shook her head. “Shh, Cullen. Let’s not, not right now. I don’t… I’m not sure if I can handle you and my duties for the Inquisition without one of those things suffering for it. So let’s just have this, right now, please?”

It was her please that did him in, the break in her voice as she nearly begged him to not make more of this than she could handle. Cullen’s feelings for her were anything but fleeting, but he would take what he could get, give her whatever she needed, even if the thought of seeing her every day and not being able to touch her, to have her, caused an ache deep in his chest.

He pulled her the rest of the way in for a kiss, his lips hungry for hers, _ravenous_. She gave as good as she got, her kiss just as savage and desperate. Evelyn use teeth and tongue, showing him how much she needed this, needed _him_. “Cullen,” she moaned, her lower lip still held lightly between his teeth for just a moment longer. “When you were fighting those templars? So ferocious, love. I’m wet just thinking about it. I want that, want you to fuck me the way you fight.”

Maker’s breath, this woman was going to be the death of him. He rolled them over so that he was leaning on his elbows above her, placing a gentle kiss where her neck curved into her shoulder. He pulled the tender flesh between his teeth, biting just enough to mark her and causing another moan of pleasure to escape her. She arched her back into him, pressing her hips into his as he made his way down her body, slow enough to have her squirming beneath him. It was heady, having such an intelligent and powerful woman utterly at his mercy, and Cullen found himself wishing they had time for him to take advantage of it more completely.

He grazed the sides of her breasts with just the lightest touch of his fingertips, stopping his journey just long enough to draw a pert nipple into his mouth before continuing his trail of kisses down her stomach. Evelyn was all fire, and all he wanted in this world or the next was to let her consume him, devour him, leave him a wrecked man. Finally, thank the Maker, he reached her hips, leaving another bite as he pulled her smallclothes free of her body.

Evelyn opened for him, spreading her legs to allow him access and he felt as though his skin might burst at the seams, he was so full of desire for her. She whimpered as he slipped a digit into her, cried out as he added another, and whispered his name as he found her clit with his thumb and began rubbing tight circles. He moved back up, reveling in the sensation of her naked breasts pressed flat against his chest. She wrapped one of her legs around his hip as he kissed her again, letting the other fall to the side as he continued his ministrations. “Cullen, _please_ ,” she begged.

He pulled his fingers away, slick with her desire, and she reached a hand down to guide him into her. He slid in, slow, so slow, wanting to draw this out as much as he could. Maker, but she felt amazing. She wrapped her leg tighter around him as he slowly pumped in and out. One of her hands was on his shoulder, nails digging in so hard he was sure the there would be little half moon shaped marks when they were done. Battle wounds, marking him as Evelyn’s again, as if he had ever been anything _but_ hers. She slid her other hand down lower, tracing his spine until she was gripping his backside, urging him to go faster. “Harder, Cullen. I’m not going to break on you.”

He grinned and looked into her eyes, the emerald green darkened with lust and other emotions he would be a fool to hope for. “Maybe it’s not about that. Maybe I want a little revenge for all your back and forth.”

She arched her hips upward, meeting his next thrust, threading a hand through his hair to pull him to her for another kiss. “You talk too much, Commander,” she whispered against his lips before she claimed them again, slipping her tongue inside for a wild dance with his own.

He moved faster, her hips matching his thrust for thrust as they rocked together. She clung to him tighter, made him wish that she would never let go, her little whimpers and pants growing closer together as she climbed towards the peak of her pleasure. He nearly saw stars as she climaxed, her muscles clenching tight around him. She started to cry out, but he kissed her hard, swallowing her cries in the vain hope that they hadn’t woken anyone else.

Glorious, still, just as he remembered. As the waves of her orgasm started to subside, he began to shake with his own, pressing into her a few more times as he came with an animalistic growl. They both shuddered as he pulled out, their breathing labored as Cullen moved to lay beside her. He pulled Evelyn close, pleased at the satisfied smile he saw on her face. She threw a leg over his, weaving their limbs together as she lay her head on his chest. He pulled one of her hands onto his stomach, threading his fingers into hers, and before long he heard her gentle snores as she fell back into slumber.

As he drifted off to sleep, a thought flitted through his mind. How in all of Thedas was he going to let Evelyn go again, duty or no?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a bit longer than most of my chapters (nearly double), but I think it was worth it, no? Honestly, I hadn't planned for the sexy times to happen for another chapter or two yet, but, well, Evie and Cullen clearly had other plans. 
> 
> As always, thank you for reading, and I would love to hear what you think!


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick warning - this chapter is completely unbeta-ed (and the rest likely will be as well), so please feel free to let me know if there's anything off or weird going on.

The next few days passed in a blur for Evelyn, endless white falling from the sky as she led the Inquisition to a fortress that Solas had told her about. It was an arduous journey, made all the more difficult by the coughing that periodically racked her body. She soldiered on, however, knowing that the people of the Inquisition were putting their very survival in her hands. No matter how much that terrified her, she would do her utmost to lead them to safety.

Another coughing fit, and Cullen was by her side in an instant, his hand at her back while the other lifted some sort of foul tasting tonic to her mouth. Her nose crinkled and her lips curled of their own volition, but one look at the determination on Cullen’s face was enough to make her gulp it down. She glared at him, sticking her tongue out and grimacing. Cullen chuckled before handing her a skin of water. “It can’t be that bad, Evie. And it helps.”

“It’s the most wretched thing I’ve ever had in my mouth,” she replied, taking several swallows of the water in an effort to rinse the flavor from her mouth. “I almost don’t care that it stops the coughing.”

Cullen shook his head at her, the ghost of his laughter still sitting on his lips, and his hand still rubbing slow circles on her back. It had a calming effect on her, even as she knew she ought to stop him. “It’s just a healing tonic, Evie. I’m sure you’ll manage.”

She glared at him, shrugging him off. “You’re being a mother hen, Cullen.” She was so tired of this, the cold, the snow, the never ending journey. Not to mention her decision to put some distance between her and Cullen, not that it was working out well. Still, she really shouldn’t take her frustrations out on him, especially when he was just trying to help.

Cullen took a step back, giving her the space she needed and she was grateful for it. “We should reach this fortress soon, according to Solas. He thinks within the next day.”

“Thank the Maker. I’m honestly not sure how much longer I can do this, especially so high up in the mountains. The air up here is making it harder to breath, and that starts the coughing.”

She wouldn’t look at him as she said this, not wanting to worry him any more than he already was. He really was being incredibly attentive to her, and she was acting like a petulant child. “We should continue. If you’re ready, that is.”

She nodded, looking back at everyone following her. “I suppose you’re right. Onward, then.”

***

It had only been a week since finding Skyhold, but as Evelyn surveyed the courtyard, she was proud of how much work had been done. There was still a long way to go, but she couldn’t wait to see the fortress restored to its former glory. She watched a group of templars put together a circle for sparring and training as she made her way down to small circle of tents that served as a makeshift infirmary. They would need something better soon, but it would do for now.

Her assessment was interrupted by a harried messenger flagging her down. “Excuse me, Inquisitor, I’ve a message for you.”

She handed Evelyn a folded sheet of paper before quickly running off. _Inquisitor_. Evelyn wasn’t sure she was ever going to get used to that, being the Inquisitor. To say that she had been shocked when Cassandra told her of their decision to name her head of the Inquisition would be an understatement. The fact that she was a mage… that alone should have made them consider someone else. But they had faith in her, not just her advisors, but all of those who had gathered with them. She only hoped that she could live up to it.

She shook her head, clearing her thoughts, and unfolded the paper with a smile. _Freckles, Come see me on the battlements when you can spare the time. I have someone I think you’ll want to meet._

No time like the present. Evelyn turned, heading up several flights of stone stairs that had certainly seen better days. When she reached her destination, she stopped for a moment to just watch. Varric was facing her, talking to a woman whose back was to Evelyn. She was tall, nearly as tall as Evelyn was, with her long, ashy blonde hair pulled back into a no nonsense ponytail. She was dressed in leather armor, with two wicked looking daggers strapped to her sides.

Varric raised a hand in greeting when he noticed her, and his friend turned to face her. “Freckles!” he called out as she joined them. “I’d like you to meet Abigail Hawke. Hawke, the Inquisitor, Lady Evelyn Trevelyan.”

Evelyn’s eyes widened, and she lifted a hand to her mouth to cover her gasp. “Hawke? As in The Champion of Kirkwall?!” Her voice came out higher pitched than Evelyn could ever remember it being, and she was sure that she was making an utter fool of herself. “A little warning would not have gone amiss, Varric.” Her words were aimed at the dwarf, but her eyes lingered on Hawke, who raised an eyebrow at Varric.

“Please, Inquisitor, call me Abbi. I’m here because I have some information that might interest you.”

All business then. “I apologize, Abbi. I just… I’ve been in circles for much of my life, and here I am, talking to the woman who helped start the mage rebellion. And it’s Evie, please.”

Hawke acknowledged her words with a slight nod. “I understand, although you’re a formidable woman in your own right, from what Varric has told me.”

“Do I want to know what Varric has said about me?”

Hawke chuckled. “Only good things, I assure you, about both you and the Inquisition’s work.”

Varric just shrugged as he began to walk away. “I’ll leave you to it, then.”

Evelyn watched her friend leave before turning back to Hawke. “So, you have information for me then?”

Hawke sighed and nodded. “I do, most of it not particularly good. It’s about the Grey Wardens. When I faced Corypheus before, he was able to influence them somehow. I was investigating something unrelated, and heard rumors of corruption in the order.”

“Maker’s blood… So Corypheus has the Venatori, the red templars, and possibly the Grey Wardens?” A few more choice words escaped before Evelyn schooled herself.

“I don’t have _just_ bad news,” Hawke said, interrupting Evelyn’s swearing. “I have a friend in the Wardens, Stroud. He told me that he feared corruption, but I haven’t heard from him since. He said he would be holed up in an abandoned smuggler’s cave in Crestwood. I’m hoping he’ll have some answers for us, if you’re willing to come with me.”

Evelyn nodded. “Of course. We can make ready and leave at first light.”

***

Evelyn had never been so glad to see imposing stone walls in her life. Crestwood had been completely awful. Illuminating, yes, but she thought it might be one of the worst places she had ever visited. Or maybe that was just because of the things she had found out. Between the Mayor drowning a village and Stroud’s information about Corypheus and the Wardens, she had to wonder if she was fighting a losing battle.

She wasn’t feeling herself, mentally or physically. Evelyn still felt damp, like Crestwood had seeped into her armor and taken hold. Her cough had nearly cleared before she left, but a week in that Maker’s damned place had brought it back full force. And she felt weak, weaker than she had felt since her recovery after the events of Haven.

Evelyn passed through the main gate, Hawke, Varric, Bull, and Vivienne chattering behind her. There was a small group of people waiting to welcome them back, but the first and only face she saw was Cullen’s. She smiled at him, hoping to hide from him just how ill she felt. It must not have worked, because he was by her side before she even passed through the gates, a frown marring his otherwise lovely face.

Good thing, too. She stumbled as he reached her, a bout of dizziness overtaking her, and she likely would have fallen if he had not caught her arm. He held her steady, walking with her towards the main hall. She was oblivious to everyone else, choosing to focus instead on the feeling of Cullen’s arm, his steadiness as she fought to stay upright. He leaned in and whispered in her ear. “I’ve got you, Evie. Your quarters were finished while you were gone, so I’ll take you there and get you settled before sending a healer up. Lean on me more if you have need - I won’t let you fall.”

She could only manage a small nod. She let Cullen lead her through the great hall, let him bear as much of her weight as was possible. She was looking forward to seeing her finished quarters. She had been sleeping on hard ground in tents for what seemed like forever, and she was more excited than she ought to be at the prospect of a real bed. Maker, there might even be a warm bath in her immediate future. Wouldn’t that be absolutely divine?

They finally reached what she assumed her door, to the side of that ridiculous throne. As soon as they passed through it and Cullen shut the door behind them, he swept her into his arms to carry her up the remaining flights of stairs. She put her arms around his neck and lay her head on his chest, her shallow breaths causing a low rattling in her chest. She was exhausted, and nearly fell asleep before they got to her rooms.

There was a low couch at the top of the final staircase, and Cullen placed her upon it, sitting her upright. She had trouble focusing, she was so tired, until Cullen tilted her chin up so that she was looking right into his eyes. “I’m going to remove your armor, Evie, and, if it’s alright with you, the rest of your clothing. Just so I can get you out of the cold, damp things you’re wearing now. If you’d rather, though, I can send someone else up.”

She shook her head. “No, it’s fine. I trust you, Cullen.”

And she did, of course. He wouldn’t do anything without her express permission, probably wouldn’t even look at her. Her polite Commander. Evelyn was wearing a leather chestplate over her robes, and leather breeches underneath. They provided some protection while still not restricting her movements when she needed to cast spells. She reached to one side of the chestplate, fumbling with one of the little buckles that held it on. She swore, unable to work her fingers properly because she was still so cold and shaking. “Maferath’s balls, Cullen! Who designed this awful piece of armor?”

He chuckled, moving to sit beside her on the couch. He pulled her hand away. “Let me, Evie. You just relax.”

His clever fingers made quick work of the buckles on either side, and he discarded the leather piece onto the floor. He stood, lifting her up to her feet so he could get to the rest. He pulled her robes over her head, slow and careful as if she might actually break, tossing them into a pile with her chest piece. Her boots next, followed by her breeches and tunic. She could hear his breathing grow more rapid as she stood before him in nothing but her breastband and smallclothes, but that was the only sign that he was affected by her near nudity.

Evelyn herself wasn’t quite sure how she felt about this situation. They had slept together, and he had seen her naked before but this felt different, somehow. Having Cullen remove her armor felt intimate in a way that sex hadn’t, as if he were peeling her layers away. She felt vulnerable, something she hadn’t felt in quite some time and she wasn’t sure she was ready to feel that way again, not even with Cullen, not while there was still so much to do. If she opened herself again, truly let him in, she wasn’t sure she could go through with her duties, knowing they were likely to get one or both of them killed.

She was so lost in thought that she hadn't realized Cullen was gone until he returned, a pile of folded clothing in his arms. He slipped warm cotton over her head, taking off her breastband before pulling the chemise down. He bunched it up just enough to slide her smallclothes over her hips, letting them and the chemise fall, looking at her face instead of her body. Ever the gentleman, her Commander. He picked her up again as she stepped out of them, laying her down in an ornate four post bed. He started to pull the heavy fabric panes closed, pulling away to let her sleep, but she wasn’t ready for him to leave yet.

“Cullen?” she whispered. She hated how frail and desperate she sounded, but she never had been very good at being ill. She hated the thought of being left alone right then. “I know I’ve no right to ask, but would you…” she paused, her teeth worrying at her lower lip. “Would you stay with me? I don’t know that I want to be alone right now.”

She felt his weight sink into the mattress beside her as he sat down and brushed her hair behind an ear. “Ah. I would never have guessed that our brave Inquisitor needs to be coddled when she falls ill.”

Cullen’s tone was light, teasing, and she grinned up at him. “Oh, I’ve always been like this, even as a child. I get sick and all I want is cuddles and hot broth.”

She watched as he removed his boots, his gloves, his armor, stripping down until he was in just a tunic and his knickers. Evelyn let her gaze roam from his face down his body, resting on his well muscled thighs. What she wanted, she thought as she began to cough, was to feel those thighs squeezed tight around her. What she wanted, however, was irrelevant. He slid into her bed next to her, concern on his face as he pulled the blankets over them both, though her coughing soon subsided.

She turned to face him, laughing at the amount of space he left between them. He was nearly at the other edge of the bed, and she thought he might fall off at the slightest movement. “Cullen, I promise to behave myself if you come closer.”

There was already a blush creeping up his neck and onto his face. “Oh, I… it’s not that. I just…”

Evelyn interrupted him by tugging him closer and burrowing into him and the blankets. “You have the most delightful blush, Cullen. Honestly, it’s _adorable_.”

Cullen’s blush deepened, though a small grin appeared on his lips. “I’m a grown man, Evie. I can hardly be considered adorable, blush or no blush.”

“I assure you, Commander, that’s just not true. Now stop arguing with me so I can get some sleep. I’m sick, you know.”

Evelyn felt Cullen’s smile widen against her temple, where he had placed a soft kiss. “Your wish is my command, Inquisitor.” He sighed, pulling her tighter and whispering, “Goodnight, Evie.”


	23. Chapter 23

Evelyn had somehow done it again. She had gone physically into the Fade and walked out again, this time with several companions as company. Maker, that woman was going to be the death of him. Cullen had never known anyone to get themselves into so many dangerous and unlikely situations, and it seemed that he was in a constant state of worry over whether she was actually going to come back to Skyhold alive and in one piece.

She always did though, didn’t she? Cullen had always known that she was rather extraordinary, but this was something else. The chosen of Andraste, indeed. How else could she survive all of the horror that was constantly thrown her way? A lesser person would crumble under the weight of her responsibilities. Maker knows he certainly would.

A swift knocking on his office door interrupted his thoughts. Without looking up from his paperwork, he shouted a terse, “Enter.”

He looked up when he heard the heavy wooden door creak open, then shut again, his mood feeling lighter when he saw that it was Evelyn. “Cullen,” she nodded in greeting. “A messenger said you had some business to discuss with me.”

He shuffled his papers into a haphazard pile before standing up and meeting her on the other side of the desk. “Not business exactly,” he hesitated for a moment, rubbing the back of his neck. His head was aching something fierce, and he could hardly breathe, he felt so hot. “Have you been avoiding me, Evie?”

He stumbled back, gripping the edge of his desk as a wave of nausea and dizziness threatened to overtake him. He thought he heard Evelyn call his name, but she sounded so far away. And then he fell in earnest, Evelyn somehow managing to catch him and lower him to the floor gently before he fell into oblivion.

When Cullen came to again, he was still lying on the floor, although Evelyn had placed something soft under his head and was wiping his face with a cool, damp rag. He sat up with a groan, adjusting his position so that he could lean against his desk. Evelyn slid down to sit beside him, taking his hand in hers. “Evelyn, I… how long was I out?”

There was worry in her eyes when she answered him. “Not long. Ten minutes or so. I locked your doors so that nobody could come in. Didn’t want to worry anyone when they saw me standing over their passed out Commander. How long have you been off lyrium, Cullen?”

He stared at her, eyes wide and lips parted. “How did you know?”

She sighed, pulling him to her so that his weight was pressing into her side. He felt his face and neck flush, both from his fever and her close proximity. “Bas. He left the order after we escaped Ostwick and has been off lyrium ever since. Three years now, or thereabouts. He’s doing well, but there are still difficult days. They are, thankfully, far and few between. How long, Cullen? And why didn’t you tell me?”

Her voice was short at the end, a mix of angry and scared. “Since Cassandra recruited me. I’ve told you what kind of man I was then, Evie, and I wanted to distance myself from him as much as possible, become better… atone, if I could. I wanted to cut every chain that held me to that life, to the Templars, and that included lyrium.” She hadn’t dropped his hand, so he gave it a gentle squeeze. “I wasn’t trying to hide it. I just… I wasn’t sure what you would think of me if you knew. I don’t want to give less to the Inquisition than I gave to the Chantry, and I don’t want you to think less of me for this weakness.”

“Cullen,” she said, his name falling from her lips like a prayer, reverent and full of awe. “I would never think less of you. And I don’t consider it a weakness. They… they force that on you, tethering you to the Chantry for life. It’s not much of a choice. This though? This is a choice, _yours_ , and I think it’s brave, you know, giving it up. I saw what my brother went through, and you don’t have an easy road ahead of you. I’m here for you though, if you need my help. Always, Cullen.”

He wasn’t sure he deserved her compassion, after the things he had done, the person he used to be, but he silently sent thanks to the Maker for putting her in his life anyway. He tugged on the hand that was still holding his, pulling Evelyn so that she was sitting in his lap, sideways so that he could look at her. He touched his forehead to hers, breathing out in a heavy sigh. “Thank you, Evie. It means more than I have the words for.”

Cullen fought the urge to kiss her, though he wanted it desperately. He thought he was doing admirably well, but then she placed a hand against his cheek, licking her lips as she traced his scar with her thumb. He sucked in air sharply, his voice breaking as he whispered, “Maker’s breath, Evie.”

A gentle press of his lips to hers, almost chaste except for the thoughts of her running through his head, and he knew for sure that he was lost forever, utterly hers. The thought had always been in the back of his mind, but as she turned to straddle him, both hands tangled in his curls as she swept her tongue into his mouth, it became the only thought in his mind. He still loved her, he realized, and wondered if he had ever really stopped in spite of the years and distance that had once separated them.

She pulled away, her hands still running through his hair, breathless and panting. She gave him a wry smile before placing another small kiss on his lips. “I thought we were going to stop doing things like this, Cullen.”

He feigned confusion. “Did we? It doesn’t seem like you actually want to stop, love.”

Evelyn leaned in for another kiss. “Forget everything I ever said about not doing this. We should actually do this as often as possible. The world is still in chaos, and there’s a madman with aspirations of godhood and world destruction. Honestly, we could die at any moment, so we should enjoy ourselves while we can.”

Cullen tugged on Evelyn’s long braid. “Then why the back and forth?”

He stared at her mouth as she chewed her bottom lip. "I'm afraid, Cullen. I lost you once and it devastated me. And there's a very good chance that one or both of us won't survive this and.... Maker, I can't do that to you."

Cullen snorted. "I'm beginning to think that you're impossible to kill, Evie. You're going to outlive us all."

A sad smile played at her lips. “We’ll see.” She stood, beginning to climb up the ladder to the loft that held his bed. “Come, Cullen. A nap might do us both some good, I think.”

***

Cullen woke up to moonlight streaming into his room, sweating from a nightmare he couldn’t remember, and when he reached out to pull Evelyn close, the other side of the bed was empty. He ran his hand over the sheets - cool to the touch, so she must have been gone for awhile. He frowned, because he thought they were done with this back and forth, but his mood lifted when he spied a scrap of paper where Evelyn’s head had been. He fumbled in his haste to unfold it, nearly tearing the note in two before he got a chance to read her words.

_ Cullen - I didn’t want to wake you, but I’ve gone to the library for a bit. If you wake before morning, feel free to seek me out there or in my quarters (where the roof is intact, I might add. When are you going to get that fixed?). _

She hadn’t changed much, it seemed, and so he made his way down to his office and out the door. He walked along the wall leading to Solas’s office, hoping it was late enough that the elf was asleep in his chambers. He knocked on the door, opening it when he didn’t hear an answer and sighing in relief when he found it empty. It probably wouldn’t do for someone to find the Commander traipsing about at all hours of the night.

He heard voices from up above, and he quirked his head in an effort to better hear them. Dorian and Evelyn, discussing… Tevinter history, he thought, though he wasn’t entirely sure. He shook his head, a smile on his lips as he made his way up the stairs to the library. Both mages looked up at him as they heard his approach, both of them wearing matching grins. It was a little disarming, if he were to be honest.

Cullen gave them an awkward wave as he reached the nook they were sitting in. Dorian stood, giving Evelyn a conspiratorial wink before embracing her.  "Commander, my seat is yours. Goodnight, Evie. Don't do anything I wouldn't do."

Evelyn snorted indelicately, returning both his embrace and his goodnight before Dorian sauntered off. Rather than sit back down, she picked up a short stack of books, moving further in to place them back where they belonged. Cullen followed her in, not sure he would have been able to stay away even if he _had_ wanted to. He watched, mesmerized by the way she moved as she stretched to put the final book away, on a shelf that was just out of her reach. Her shirt rode up, leaving the most tantalizing inch of skin bare between it and her pants, and before Cullen realized what he was doing, he had made his way over to her, standing behind her, his body pressed against hers. He placed one hand on the bare skin of her lower back, running the other up her body until his arm was over hers, pushing the book into place.

She smelled divine, like lavender and vanilla and old books, the scent of a summer storm underlying it all. He wanted to taste her, could feel himself growing hard at the thought of Evelyn writhing beneath him. She slid down to stand flat on her feet, pressing her ass into him. His breathing was already labored as he brought his mouth to the sensitive spot where her neck met her shoulder, biting down just enough to make her squeal.

She turned to face him, still pressed close so that her body rubbed against his erection. “Still sneaking off to the library to read dusty old history tomes at all hours of the night, Evie?”

She shrugged her shoulders at him. “Is it really sneaking though, Cullen? Skyhold is, for all intents and purposes, mine. I have no need to sneak anywhere.”

Cullen looked around the small nook they were in, his body still holding Evelyn’s against the shelves. It was dimly lit, only a single candle still aflame, and he briefly wondered… no, they should go back to her quarters. “Do you remember the last time we were in a library together in the middle of the night?”

Evelyn grinned, pulling Cullen’s face closer to hers. “I believe you almost fucked me against the books, Cullen. I was rather disappointed that you didn’t. Perhaps we should remedy that now?”

Cullen wanted to be shocked at her suggestion, but he had honestly been expecting it. After all, the same thought had just flitted through his own mind. “The patrols, Evie. It might be better to move this to your rooms, don’t you think?”

“I do not think, Cullen,” she replied, wrapping her arm around him so that she could grab his rear, pulling him into her so that she could feel his erection through the layers of their clothing. “I have been imagining what this would be like since that night. Also, you missed the patrol by only a quarter of an hour, so they won’t be by again for awhile yet.”

Cullen was still unsure. It would be unseemly for the Inquisitor and her Commander to be caught, rutting in the library like a pair of lovesick teenagers. All doubts, all _thoughts_ , fled his mind when Evelyn reached down, unlacing the ties of his pants so that she could pull out his cock. His breath hitched as she ran her fingertips up and down the length of it, her touch soft, tentative in a way that he knew she was not. “Evie…” he moaned, using one hand to brace himself against the shelves behind Evelyn.

She grinned at him, cheeky as always. “Yes, love? Should I stop so that we can take this somewhere more private?”

Her grip became less tentative, her hand wrapping around him completely as she stroked. She slid down to the floor, the sight of her on her knees before him, in the _library_ of all places, nearly undoing the last shreds of his composure. Evelyn darted her tongue out, licking him from the base of his shaft all the way to the tip. She swirled her tongue before wrapping her lips around him, taking him in as far as she could. She used her hand as well, her grip firm and sure as she stroked him.

It was… Maker, it was too much for him right then. His skin still felt overly sensitive from the effects of lyrium withdrawal, and he wasn’t sure if he would be able to last long with her working him with both mouth and hand. He backed out of her grip, pulling her up and giving her a rough kiss as he pushed her back against the shelves. “Evie, I need… I need to be in you.”

Was that really his voice, so hoarse and desperate? He pulled off her pants, only getting one leg out, leaving them to dangle from the other foot as he lifted her so she could wrap her legs around his waist. He didn’t even bother with her smalls, just pushed them to the side, thrusting into her. He pulled out slowly, thrusting in again, hard and fast.

Evelyn gripped him tighter, one arm around his neck, the other firm against his ass, urging him to go faster. She threw her head back, his name tumbling from her mouth in a strangled cry. “Such a lovely sound, my siren,” he growled, thrusting hard enough to set the bookshelf shaking against the wall.

Evelyn pulled him down for a kiss, biting his lower lip until he opened his mouth for her. She tasted like brandy and sugar, and he wanted more of it, more of her. He deepened the kiss, until Evelyn finally pulled her face from his, her breathing heavy. “Come for me, Cullen. Cry my name as you do, let everyone know that you are mine and I am yours.”

His orgasm had already been building, but her words pushed him over the edge. He came with a shudder, her name a prayer that fell from his lips, his knees almost too weak to hold them both. He kissed her again before they cleaned themselves up, slower this time, not wanting to rush everything.

When they were both set to rights, Evelyn took Cullen’s hand in hers, pulling him down the stairs that led to the main hall, tugging him along until they reached her quarters. Cullen watched as she undressed, unable to take his eyes off her until she crawled into her bed and under the covers. He did the same, removing everything before joining her. They lay facing each other, Evelyn staring at him with a grin on her face.

“I love you, you know,” she whispered, her fingers tracing his jaw. “Never stopped, really. I doubt I ever will, whether I want to or not.”

Cullen took her free hand in his, marveling at how small it was in comparison to his own, how delicate it looked next to his calloused hand. He brought it to his lips, brushing soft kisses against her knuckles. “I love you, too. I have loved you for thirteen years, Evie. I don’t see that changing.”

“It better not,” Evelyn replied, snuggling in closer until they were tangled in each other.

Cullen drifted off with a smile on his face, not able to recall a time when he had ever felt this happy. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the lateness of this chapter. I've been in a bit of a writing funk for the past couple of weeks :/ But, um, yay library sex?


	24. Chapter 24

_Cullen,_

_ I might be the only one, but I love it here on the Storm Coast. It makes me feel alive, makes me wish I had you here with me so I could share it with you. I’ve been so many places because of the Inquisition, places I never would have been able to see otherwise. It’s daunting, after living in a Circle for so long. I have always assumed that my life would forever be that, living in the Circle, studying and learning and maybe someday teaching. It was not ideal, not what I would have chosen for myself if I could have, but I suppose I had resigned myself to that life, come to terms with it. Being here though, it makes me feel as if I have every option in the world. I feel alive, Cullen, and free. It’s thrilling and terrifying in equal measure. _

_ Have I mentioned that I wish you could be here as well (in case you were wondering, you could most certainly make it here before we leave to return to Skyhold. Just tossing the idea out there). I’ve gotten used to having you beside me as I sleep, and I find that I’m having trouble sleeping now that you aren’t here. I miss you. I miss feeling the warmth emanating from your body, your flesh against mine, our bodies entwined together. I miss waking up with you, our sleepy, lazy lovemaking starting the day. Do you know what I miss most though, love? The end of our day at Skyhold, when we finally have a bit of time to ourselves. Sitting on my sofa, your head in my lap, running my fingers through your curls as we discuss… well, all manner of things, really, so long as they have nothing to do with our work. _

_ I sound like a lovesick fool, don’t I? I just… we lost so much time that we could have had with each other, and I don’t want to lose any more. Oh, I believe in the work we’re doing, that the Inquisition is doing. And I do want to be out here, traveling, helping those I can, closing these rifts and figuring out how to defeat Corypheus. And though I know your place is at Skyhold, I wish you could be here beside me (I do love the way you move as you fight. It brings such lascivious thoughts to my mind). _

_ On to business, I suppose. We’ve only just arrived, and there’s much to do, since we only recruited Bull and his Chargers when we were here last. There’s a group that calls themselves the Blades of Hessarian. They seem to be a group of bandits who have gathered together under some sort of religious pretense. We’ll be taking care of that situation first, I believe. We’ve also spotted and destroyed some red lyrium deposits, and Varric and I would both like to scout for more. We certainly can’t leave it lying about. _

_ And the Dragon! Bull is getting antsy, wants to fight it right away, but it seems to be making its nest on the far side of the area, possibly on an island. We’ll have to figure out how to get there first, and there is much to do, so we’ll most likely take care of that last. Blackwall mentioned some Grey Warden artifacts that might be in the area as well, and we’ve also spotted both darkspawn and Red Templars. It seems like we’ll be here for some time. _

_ I long to be back at Skyhold, to see your handsome face (and, to be quite honest, sleep in a proper bed. After we defeat Corypheus, I am never sleeping in a tent again. It’ll be all soft beds and proper baths for me, than you very much). I’ll write to you again after we’ve taken care of everything and are on our way back. _

_ I love you, Cullen. Keep Skyhold safe for me. _

_ Yours, _

_Evie_

***

_ Evelyn, _

_ I miss you as well. You keep the nightmares at bay, make the lyrium withdrawal easier to bear just with your presence. I wish I could join you, but there is much to be done here. I’m also not overly fond of the Storm Coast. We landed there after I left Kirkwall, and I have never been so seasick in my life as I was on that journey. I thought I was prepared, having lived in the middle of a lake, but it doesn’t quite compare. Varric can tell you stories, I’m sure. _

_ Things are well here. The mage tower has been completed, and I believe they are settling in well enough. We’ve also expanded the infirmary at your request. Leliana, Josephine, and Vivienne have been working with some of us, trying to prepare us for Halamshiral. I have no patience for it, honestly, though I am trying. It would be less trying if you were here, suffering alongside me. Although you likely know at least some of this, from your time before the Circle, and perhaps after it as well. I think I’d rather learn this nonsense from you, since I have no choice but to learn it. _

_ I sound like a petulant child now. I admit, I’ve been grumpier than usual, and it has more than a little to do with your absence. I ache for your return, my love - Skyhold isn’t the same without you here. I’ve taken to sleeping in your quarters, even though you aren’t here. It might sound pathetic, but your linens smell like you, and it’s a comfort to have at least that. Did you know that, no matter what soaps or perfumes you might use, there’s always an underlying scent, like that of a summertime thunderstorm, the way the air smells after lightning has struck. It’s my favorite smell in the world. _

_ Be careful out there, Evie. I would be lost if something were to happen to you. I love you, always. _

_ Yours, _

_Cullen_

***

_ Cullen, _

_ I apologize in advance - this will be a short letter, as we’re due to move out soon. We found an old Dwarven structure and that’s where the Red Templars have set up. We’ll be clearing them out as soon as I finish this letter. They seem to be growing bolder, and I hoped you might be able to look into it more for me, see if we can ferret out any other places they might be trying to set up a base. _

_ Yours, _

_Evie_

***

It had been a long day, though it was at least productive. Not only had they cleared the Dwarven port of Red Templars, but they had also destroyed several deposits of red lyrium and found a way to the dragon’s lair. They would take a day to rest before venturing forth to slay the dragon, much to Bull’s annoyance. He had wanted to go right when they found the little port, but Varric, Evelyn, and Solas all protested. They needed to be at their best, and they were not after a full day of fighting Templars, particularly the two mages.

Evelyn was grateful when they finally made it back to camp. She was exhausted, but absolutely filthy, so she made the decision to clean up first. There was no fresh water, unfortunately, but the Waking Sea had calmed since that morning and she thought a quick swim might do her some good. At the very least, she could rinse away the worst of the mess. She took a clean set of clothes from her tent, let Scout Harding know her plans, and headed down the hill toward the beach. She found a large rock and went behind it, stripping off her dirty clothes and dumping them in a pile at her feet. She wrinkled her nose at them, wondering if they were salvageable or if she should just get rid of them. They were covered in blood and dirt, and she even thought she saw a few tiny shards of red lyrium. “Not worth it,” she sighed to herself.

She looked out at the water, only a few feet in the distance, digging her toes into the wet sand. It was still warm, in spite of the dying sunlight, and the sand felt lovely, squishy and soft between her toes. It reminded her of the beach near her father’s estate in Ostwick, and she felt a small pang of homesickness. She missed her family, the refugee mages that she had started to know, even the templars who were helping out there. Once this was over, if she survived, she would visit home. Maybe she could talk Cullen into taking the trip with her. He would enjoy the estate, she thought, the woods and the nearby town. She wondered if the cottage she and Bas found was still standing - she would take him there too, if it was.

She shook her head, trying to shake those thoughts from her mind. It did no good to imagine what could be when she had to focus on the here and now. She crossed her arms, closing her eyes as she breathed in the scent of saltwater, the seaspray on her face bringing a smile to her lips.

“Mind if I join you?”

Evelyn turned, smiling at the man behind her. She had no idea how he managed to sneak away from Skyhold, but she was certainly glad to see Cullen. She took his hand, pulling him closer so that she could place a kiss on his lips. He was, thankfully, not wearing his armor, just simple slacks and a tunic, barefoot in the sand before her. She began to undress him as he started to unravel her braid. When he was done, her unbound hair hung nearly to her waist, and he stood naked before her.

“Not that I’m not grateful, but what are you doing here?”

He took her in his arms, either not caring or not noticing the muck and gore on her body. “I wanted to hold you and I didn’t want to wait any longer to do so.”

He let her go, much too soon as far as Evelyn was concerned, and just watched her, as if her were taking her in after being apart from her. His gaze rested between her breasts, and he reached for the two necklaces that lay there. “Is this the coin I gave you?”

Evelyn smiled and nodded. “It is. I hope you don’t mind, but I had Dagna put it on a chain for me, and she added an enchantment to it. Something for protection, I believe.” She paused to remove the other from her neck, placing it over Cullen’s head. “This one is yours though. Bas gave it to me after we escaped the Ostwick circle and I had Dagna enchant this one as well. It should help with your nausea and headaches.”

He picked up the medallion, gingerly, as if he thought it might break. “I… thank you, Evie.”

Evelyn shrugged. “I wanted to give you something that was special to me, something to remind you of me when I’m gone, just as your coin does for me. And it was a simple thing to have Dagna add an enchantment to it.”

Her knees nearly went weak under his gaze, the love he had for her evident in his eyes. She picked up his hand, pulling him behind her toward the ocean. “Come, Cullen, swim with me.”

***

Evelyn had never felt so content in her life. They made it back to her tent as dusk began to fall, and Cullen sat behind her, his fingers working out the tangles in her hair. It was still damp, her waves gone wild after being in the salty ocean water, but his clever fingers made quick work of the knots. She hadn’t asked him too, but he starting braiding it when he finished, leaving two long plaits down her back. They were lumpy and uneven, but Evelyn thought they were perfect.

She slid down, laying her head in his lap. “When did you learn how to braid a lady’s hair, Cullen?’

He ran his fingers along her hairline, almost absentminded as he smiled down at her. “I have two sisters, if you recall. They taught me - I think they thought it was funny to have their brother fix their hair. They always left it, too, no matter how terrible a job I did.”

“That sounds lovely. Will you tell me about your siblings?”

He sat silent for a moment, as if trying to think of a story she might like. “Mia and I were always thick as thieves when we were children, being so close in age. Believe it or not, I was a rather serious child, but Mia wanted nothing more than to get me to loosen up. So she used to play pranks on Rosie and Branson, knowing that I would go along so that I could try to keep her out of serious trouble.” He paused, a low chuckle leaving his throat. “It usually only resulted in both of us getting into trouble, but I kept trying anyway.”

Evelyn could barely keep her eyes open, though she wanted Cullen to continue his story. He must have realized it was a lost cause though, because he slid down onto her bedroll next to her, laying her head on his chest as he pulled a blanket over them both. She drifted into sleep shortly thereafter, her slumber more peaceful than it had been in some time.


	25. Chapter 25

Evelyn leaned over the balcony at the Winter Palace, grateful for the solitude now that Morrigan had returned to the ball. At least the evening was winding down, and the view was certainly lovely, rolling green hills providing a breathtaking backdrop for Halamshiral. She stood to smooth her hands over her jacket, fingering the sapphire silk lovingly, a sigh escaping her lips as she leaned back onto the balcony rail. Josephine had wanted their party to wear matching outfits, the better to present a united front she said. They were awful, of course, nothing like what she herself would pick out, certainly not for an Orlesian ball. It took some time, but she had finally, thank the Maker, convinced Josephine to let her wear something different. She had to pull the “I’m the Inquisitor” card, reminding Josephine that, as a mage, she would already be starting off on the wrong foot, and she needed to make herself stand out. Vivienne had sent for her favorite dressmaker from Orlais, and together the four of them had come up with something that pleased everyone. 

Her jacket was military in style, similar to the ones everyone else had worn. Instead of the bright red that had clashed so horribly with her hair, it was a deep sapphire blue, in silks instead of fine wool, the accents silver instead of gold, the sash crimson. Her jacket had a train, full and sweeping behind her as a skirt would, and her pants, gloves, and boots were all black. It was lovely and she had felt beautiful in it, even as she was climbing trellises and fighting Florianne’s lackeys. And as much as she hated the entire evening, the Game and everything involved in it, the nausea she still felt in the pit of her stomach when she thought of how she had blackmailed Celene, Gaspard, and Briala into a truce… well, she supposed it was worth it if it meant Orlais lending support to the Inquisition, even if she had always prefered to face her problems head on, with none of this sneaking about and subterfuge. 

She was about to head back into the ball - she was sure to be missed if she dallied out here much longer - when Cullen leaned on the railing beside her. “There you are, Evie,” he said, reaching an arm around to pull her closer to him. “Is everything alright?”

She leaned into him, giving him a slight nod. “Just worn out. It’s been a long evening.”

“For all of us.” He kissed the top of her head before continuing. “I’m glad it’s over.”

“As am I. If I never have to worry about the Game again, it will be too soon.”

Cullen chuckled, his smile lighting up his face. “It is a bit… much, isn’t it?”

“That’s a bit of an understatement, I think,” she said, returning his grin.

“I know you’re capable, that you’ve handled everything that’s been thrown at you...” he whispered, pausing to pick up one of her hands and lacing his fingers through hers. “I know it’s foolish, but I was worried for you tonight.”

She hated that he worried, hated what it must do to him. She turned so that she could face him, cupping his cheek with her free hand and guiding his face down so she could kiss him, just a light sweep of her lips over his to let him know she appreciated it. 

“I may never get  a chance like this again, so I must ask,” he said when she pulled away. He stood, taking a step back and bowing before her, hand outstretched. “May I have this dance?”

Evelyn’s grin spread wider as she took Cullen’s hand in her own. “Are you sure? You didn’t seem very enthusiastic about your dancing skills earlier.”

“For you, I’ll try,” he answered, pulling her close once again.

Music drifted outside from the ballroom, a waltz, though Evelyn hadn’t heard the song before. The melody was haunting, she thought, filled with desperate longing that made her heart ache. What she wouldn’t give for her life to be more normal, to be able to retire somewhere, just her and Cullen in the middle of nowhere, living their life in peace.

As they made slow circles around the balcony, the train of her jacket swirled about their ankles much like a dress would, the gentle swishing just barely able to be heard over the music. It felt lovely to be dancing with Cullen, his arm around her waist, his other hand in hers, bodies pressed together almost indecently. He wasn’t bad either, despite his earlier protests, though she did have to suppress a giggle when she heard him whispering under his breath, “1, 2, 3. 1, 2, 3.”

He must have caught her smile, because he stopped his counting, his face flushing crimson. “Josephine taught me a few dances, but I’m still not very good.”

“You’re doing just fine, love,” she told him, reaching up her free hand to cup his cheek. “I can’t remember ever enjoying a dance quite this much.”

***

Dawn came far too soon, bright shafts of sunlight streaming in through the glass of Evelyn’s balcony doors, tearing her from sleep. They had arrived back at Skyhold late the previous night, and she was so exhausted that she fell into bed fully clothed. Cullen must have undressed her before joining her in bed, because she was wearing the soft cotton tunic she had stolen from him weeks ago and not much else.

She turned, rolling over to face Cullen instead of the windows and a gentle smile came to her face unbidden as she gazed upon his sleeping form. He was on his side, legs curled, one arm under his pillow, the other thrown over his eyes, and mouth parted slightly, just enough to let a few quiet snores escape. It was rare to see him so unguarded, and Evelyn was the only one who ever got to witness it, a fact which she rather enjoyed.

She snuggled in closer, pulling the blankets up further to ward off the chill in the air. Her movements must have woken Cullen - he began to stir, waking slowly in bits and pieces. When his eyes finally opened, one at a time and still blurry from sleep, he returned her smile with one of his own.

“Good morning, Commander,” she whispered, pushing a strand of sleep tousled hair out of his eyes. “Sleep well?”

He pulled her closer, wrapping his arms around her and dropping a light kiss on her forehead before mumbling into her hair. “I always sleep well when you’re with me, Evie.” He pulled back, just enough to be able to see each other’s faces. “It never ceases to surprise me when I wake up and you’re actually here with me. Seeing you as soon as we wake is the best part of my day.”

“I have a somewhat outlandish idea, then,” she stammered, interrupting him before he started to kiss her and she lost her nerve or all train of thought. 

Cullen chuckled, placing his kiss on the spot where her neck met her shoulders rather than on her mouth. “I have a few ideas as well, though I wouldn’t necessarily call them outlandish.”

She giggled, swatting him away playfully. “Be serious for a moment. I was thinking… well, I know that we only just found each other again relatively recently. And perhaps we aren’t quite… there yet, as far as these things go. And I completely understand it if you don’t wish to…”

Evelyn had looked down at some point, but he tilted her face up to look at him. “You’re rambling, love. You don’t have to be nervous, not with me.”

She nodded, trying to ignore the fluttering in her stomach. “Move your things into my quarters, Cullen. We sleep together most nights I’m here as it is, and you still haven’t fixed that hole in your ceiling. And honestly, I like the thought that you’ll be here, in  _ our _ quarters, while I’m off doing Maker knows what for the Inquisition.”

She had flushed bright red at this point, worried as she was that he would find her idea ridiculous. They hadn’t been back together for long, she knew, but still… the thought of Cullen moving into her quarters felt right and she wanted him to say yes more than she had thought when she had cooked up the idea. 

“You’re doing that thing where you overthink everything. Don’t deny it - I can see in your eyes that you’re about half a minute away from making a joke so that I don’t think you’re serious about this.” He paused to take a breath before pulling her on top of him so that she was straddling his hips, one knee on either side of him. Her breath caught in her throat - she wasn’t entirely sure where Cullen was going with this - but then he pulled her face down for a kiss, his lips demanding attention from her, hard and quick. “I am going to let you have your way with me and then I am going to my office and gathering my belongings to bring here. Honestly, you’ve already stolen half my clothes anyway, so I might as well move the rest ov…”

She interrupted him this time, her kiss gentler than his had been, though demanding no less. “You talk too much sometimes,” she murmured, her lips hovering over his, their breath mingling for a fraction of a second before she pressed her lips to his again. She ran her fingers through his hair, gripping it tightly when he deepened their kiss. She loved his hair when it was mussed like this, lighter and curlier without any of his pomade in it. Another part of him that only she got to see.

He shifted so that he was sitting, Evelyn still in his lap. She gasped into his mouth at the sensation of his hands running lightly up her thighs, slipping under her shirt and into her smalls, giving her bare ass a squeeze before pulling them off. Just thinking about what else he was going to do with those hands had her growing wet, and she rolled her hips to rub against his erection, already straining to be free of his thin cotton pants. “You’re wearing too many clothes, Cullen,” she panted, impatiently tugging at his shirt with one hand while she toyed with the laces of his pants with the other. 

“Hush, love. I have more pressing concerns at the moment.”

Evelyn couldn’t help but smile at his crooked grin, knowing she would likely enjoy whatever he was planning. “Is that so? Care to enlighten me?”

He just grinned wider before tugging her forward so that her knees were resting on on either side of his face. She barely had time to cry out his name before he parted her lips, stroking her with the broad flat of his tongue, while the stubble on his cheeks scratched her inner thighs. Such a delicious feeling, that little bit of pain providing a sharp contrast to the pleasure that was building as he licked and sucked. The sensations were almost too much as her hips began to rock of their own volition, and she slammed her palm into the headboard to steady herself, fisting Cullen’s hair again and biting her lip so that she didn’t cry out too loudly. He groaned against her, sending tiny little shockwaves through her core that nearly made her come right then.

She was about to tell him just how much she enjoyed the feeling, but she heard a faint knocking on her door. “Cullen, wait a moment. Do you hear that?”

He paused, though he didn’t look happy about it as he peeked up at her from between her legs. “I’m sure it’s not important. Ignore it, love,” he replied, before ducking back under her tunic and continuing his skillful ministrations. 

She tried to do as he said, but lost her focus when she realized the knocking was in a familiar pattern. She pulled back quickly, jumping out of bed and leaving a shocked and confused Cullen still lying there. “It’s a pattern, the knocking. My brother and I used to use it with each other when we were children. I have no idea how he could be here, but if I know Bas, he’s not going to keep knocking for long before he decides to just come in. I’d rather he not see us being so intimate with each other.”

Clarity dawned in Cullen’s eyes and he rushed to help, tossing her a dressing gown that was on his side of the bed just as they heard the door below creaking open. Evelyn put it on quickly, motioning to him to clear his face of the evidence of their previous activities. He grinned at her as she rushed down the stairs, and the last thing she saw of him was him reaching for a discarded shirt to do as she bade. 

Sure enough, there was her brother making his way up the stairs toward her. He smiled widely when he saw her, stretching his arms out so he could embrace her when they met at a landing. She squeezed him back tightly. It had been so long since they had seen each other and so many things had happened. “Well met, Inquisitor. Do I have your new title right, little sister?” He let her go after dropping a loud kiss on her forehead, stepping back so that he could get a good look at her, she assumed to make sure she was well. “Did I wake you, Evie?”

She shook her head. “No. What are you doing here,” she asked, hoping to give Cullen a few extra moments to put himself to rights. “Not that I’m complaining.”

Sebastian threw an arm around her shoulders, leading them up the stairs. “I got your letter about your friend going through lyrium withdrawal. I was just going to write back, but I thought you might enjoy a visit from your favorite brother. And I wanted to make sure this Inquisition was treating you well. Didn't you get my letter telling you all this?”

She shook her head again. “No - I've been away and only just got back last night. And honestly, it’s not that difficult to be my favorite brother - you’re the only one I can stand for more than ten minutes at a time. And I’m fine, as you can see.” They had reached the top of the stairs to find Cullen sitting  on her sofa, completely clothed, thank the Maker. “This is Cullen, the... friend I wrote to you about.”

Sebastian narrowed his eyes at Cullen, looking between him and Evelyn before speaking. “Early morning meeting?” he asked, his voice dripping with righteous brotherly concern and anger.

“Stop it, Bas, and play nice. I’m a grown woman and don’t need you scaring off men for me.  Cullen is my lover, which I’m sure you guessed already. Now shake hands and behave.”

Both men choked at the word ‘lover’ but did as they were told and shook hands. “Maker’s breath, Evie. A little subtlety wouldn’t kill you. Have a care for your poor brother’s nerves.”

Evelyn rolled her eyes at Sebastian while Cullen tried to cover a snicker by coughing. “We’ve, uh, met once before, actually,” Cullen said, interrupting the wordless spat the siblings were having. “In Orlais over a decade ago. I was finishing up training there while you were just getting started I believe.”

Sebastian turned to the other man, a glint of recognition flashing in his eyes. “Ah, I thought you looked a bit familiar. I remember you being a good man, and Evie speaks highly of you, so I suppose I can ignore the fact that you spent the night with my baby sister.”

That bastard, as if he had any right to say anything about her personal relationships, even in jest. Evelyn was about to tell him just that when Cullen spoke instead. “Every night, actually, unless she’s away,” he said, clapping him on the back. “Come, let’s go see about finding you a room while Evelyn gets dressed and then we’ll share a meal.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heeeeey, guess who's back from the dead. I know I'm kind of the worst but if anyone who was reading this before is back, thank you so much! And if you're new to this fic, thank you too. I'd like to say I had a good reason for not posting for such a long time (has it really been over a year?! How did that even happen??), but I really don't. I sort of got stuck with where I wanted to go with this fic, then decided I also wanted to do a major edit of everything, and then let depression, anxiety, and my own insecurities get the better of me. All of which resulted in me not touching the story at all.
> 
> So my apologies again. Things should be wrapping up soon-ish (I wrote the world's skimpiest outline, which has me finishing up somewhere around chapter 32ish, give or take a chapter in either direction, plus a possible epilogue). 
> 
> Feel free to poke me elsewhere to say hello, send me prompts (which I would love, btw), or whatever else. I'm forgotmyline pretty much everywhere (tumblr, twitter... hell, come chat books on goodreads if you really want).
> 
> Thanks again for sticking around! It won't be so long til the next update, I swear!


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